How to Handle Unsolicited TTC Advice (Without Losing Your Mind)
Trying to conceive (TTC) can feel like a full-time job, a science experiment, and an emotional rollercoaster all rolled into one. Add in a stream of well-meaning but unsolicited advice from family, friends, or even strangers and it can quickly become overwhelming.
If you’ve ever been told to “just relax,” “try a vacation,” or “stop thinking about it and it’ll happen,” you’re not alone - and you’re definitely not wrong for feeling frustrated.
In this post, let’s unpack why unsolicited advice hits so hard during TTC — and more importantly, how to protect your peace.
When you’re TTC, your body, mind, and heart are already doing a lot. You may be charting ovulation, navigating medical appointments, facing month after month of hope and disappointment, or grieving silently after a loss. So when someone casually tosses out “My cousin drank pineapple juice and got pregnant the next month!” - it can feel like they’re minimizing your experience.
Unsolicited advice often assumes that your situation is simple or fixable, you haven't already thought of that thing, and you're not already doing everything you possibly can. At its core, it can feel dismissive even if the intent was loving.
Here are some ways to consider navigating unsolicited TTC advice…
Have a go-to response ready - “I appreciate you caring. It’s a sensitive topic for me, so I’d rather not go into details.” Not every comment deserves a full explanation. This short, kind reply allows you to set boundaries without escalating tension.
Decide who gets access to your journey - “We’re taking things one step at a time.” Your privacy is not rudeness - it’s self-care.
Use Humor (if that’s your style) - “Wow, I had no idea vacation sex was that magical. Should we start a GoFundMe for Italy?” Only use humor if it feels natural to you — never as a mask for pain you haven’t processed.
Vent to the right people - It’s okay to feel hurt or angry. Let yourself vent - but do it in a safe space: a trusted friend, support group, therapist, or even a TTC community online. You don’t have to “be the bigger person” in your private feelings. Give yourself the grace to feel all of it.
Remember that you are not alone - So many of us have walked this road. If you’re tired of explaining yourself or fending off advice, know that you’re in good company. TTC is already hard and you don’t need to carry the extra weight of other people’s opinions.
People usually mean well — but that doesn’t mean their advice is helpful. In a culture that loves quick fixes and success stories, fertility challenges don’t always get the space or sensitivity they deserve.
Protect your heart. Choose your circle. And most of all, give yourself permission to feel what you feel.
You're doing so much better than you think.
Then vs. Now: Comparing Early Pregnancy Expectations to Reality
When I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked. We weren’t actively trying, but we weren’t actively not trying. And to show how surprised we were, my husband and I had to Google “what do you do after a positive pregnancy test?” For us, the answer was sorta freak out, cry, and sit and stare off into the distance deep in thought.
Then came the Pinterest board full of dreamy maternity photos and nursery inspo. Then a mental checklist of all the “right” things to do. And just a heart full of excitement (and nerves). Like most first-time moms, I entered pregnancy with a mix of anticipation and assumptions — most of which were gently (or not-so-gently) corrected by reality.
It’s incredibly common to have expectations of your own journey to conceive, becoming pregnant, and how pregnancy will be. Here's a look at how my expectations stacked up against what actually happened:
Expectation #1: I’d Feel Instantly Connected to the Baby
Then:
As soon as I saw the two pink lines, I expected a magical bond to form instantly.
Now:
It took time. For weeks, pregnancy felt abstract — just a concept, not “real.” I worried something was wrong with me for not feeling instantly attached. And in full transparency, I took a pregnancy test every day until my first OBGY appointment. But once I got the official confirmation, heard the heartbeat, and saw my sonogram - it shifted. By the time I felt those first kicks, everything shifted. The bond did come, just not the way I thought it would.
Expectation #2: I’d Eat Super Healthy All the Time
Then:
Kale smoothies! Avocado toast! All organic, all the time!
Now:
First trimester me would be surviving on a snack bag of Cheerios to curb nausea and could not tolerate certain smells. Later on, I found balance — but I definitely had my …moments of not eating incredibly intuitively.
Expectation #3: My Partner Would Know Exactly What I Needed
Then:
I assumed my husband would be a mind-reader. Bring me snacks before I ask. Know how to rub my back just right.
Now:
He needed guidance — and that’s okay. I learned that communicating my needs clearly was way better than resenting unspoken expectations. We grew together in this.
These are just some of the ideas I had in my head that changed from what I could perceive as my pregnancy journey began and what I learned and had to accept as it continued.
Expectations are just that — expectations. The reality is often messier, more emotional, more exhausting… but also more meaningful than anything I could have predicted.
If you're pregnant or are just feeling overwhelmed by how different things are turning out, you're not alone. The journey is rarely picture-perfect—but it’s real, and it’s yours.
Reach out today for support!
Back-to-School Stress for Moms: Managing Your Mental Load
As summer winds down and the school year approaches, many moms feel a familiar knot in their stomach: back-to-school stress. While the start of a new academic year can bring excitement, it often also piles on logistical challenges, emotional overwhelm, and a heavy dose of mental load — the invisible labor of managing a household and family life.
If you're finding yourself juggling school supply lists, calendar coordination, meal prep, and emotional support for your kids (while maybe also working or managing other responsibilities), you're not alone. Let’s talk about why this season feels so heavy—and what you can do to support your mental health through it.
The mental load refers to the ongoing, often invisible cognitive effort involved in managing a home and family life—planning, remembering, scheduling, and making sure nothing slips through the cracks. For many moms, especially those who serve as the primary caregiver, this load spikes during transitions like the back-to-school season.
You’re not just buying markers and backpacks. You’re:
Coordinating drop-offs and pick-ups
Planning lunches
Remembering which kid has gym on which day
Managing your child’s emotional transition back to school
Organizing after-school activities
Preparing yourself to shift from summer routines to stricter schedules
No wonder it’s overwhelming.
Even if you love your kids' school or feel confident in your parenting, stress can still creep in. Some signs to look out for:
Feeling irritable or short-tempered
Trouble sleeping or waking up with racing thoughts
Forgetfulness or brain fog
Feeling emotionally exhausted before the day starts
Guilt or self-judgment for not "doing enough"
If you’re nodding along, know this: You’re not failing. You’re carrying too much.
How can I lighten the load? Glad you asked…
Make the invisible, visible - Write it all down—everything that’s on your mind. Use a brain dump, a shared calendar, or a checklist app. This not only helps you stay organized but also gives others a chance to step in and help.
Delegate without guilt - Tap into your support people (partner, family member, etc.) & be clear about what you need help with. Delegating isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of wise energy management.
Simplify where you can - Keep some store-bought snacks on hand, don’t pressure yourself for all of it to be homemade. Skip the picture-perfect lunch box. Reuse last year’s supplies when possible. Good enough really is good enough.
Build transitions into your day - Back-to-school season is full of abrupt transitions. Try adding mini-moments between tasks (like 3 minutes of deep breathing before work or a walk after drop-off) to help your nervous system reset.
Check in with yourself - Ask: How am I doing—really? Even just five minutes a day of journaling or quiet reflection can help you stay connected to your own needs and feelings.
Your kids aren't the only ones experiencing a big transition. You are, too. And just like you support them, you deserve support as well.
Back-to-school doesn’t have to mean back-to-burnout. By acknowledging the mental load, letting go of perfection, and making room for your own emotional care, you can create a more grounded start to the school year—for your kids and for you.
Need support this season? I offer therapy for moms navigating stress, transitions, and burnout. Reach out today!
Social Media vs. Reality: The Pressure to Be a ‘Perfect’ Mom
In today’s digital world, many moms turn to social media for connection, advice, and a sense of community (I know I did after I had my son). Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook are filled with beautifully curated photos of mothers who seem to be doing it all - smiling babies, spotless homes, homemade meals, and endless patience. While these posts may be well-intentioned or even inspiring, they often create an unrealistic picture of motherhood that can leave many moms feeling like they’re falling short.
Behind every filtered photo is a real mom - one who likely struggles, doubts herself, and has messy, chaotic moments just like everyone else. But social media doesn’t always show the sleepless nights, the postpartum tears, or the internal battles with anxiety and self-doubt. This constant stream of perfection can lead to a dangerous form of comparison, where moms question their worth or ability based on someone else’s highlight reel.
For mothers already navigating the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy, postpartum recovery, or early parenting, this pressure to be "perfect" can take a serious toll on mental health. It can deepen feelings of inadequacy, isolation, and guilt - especially when a mom is already doing her best under difficult circumstances. The truth is, no one has it all together, and motherhood was never meant to be a performance.
Part of reclaiming your peace as a mom is learning to question the narratives you’re consuming. Who are you following, and how do they make you feel about yourself? Are you connecting with real stories that honor both the beauty and the struggle of motherhood, or just chasing an ideal that doesn’t exist? By curating your feed and seeking out authentic voices - or even stepping back from social media entirely - you give yourself permission to parent in a way that is real, grounded, and compassionate.
Remember: you don’t need to be perfect to be a good mom. You just need to be present, supported, and kind to yourself as you grow into this new version of you.
And if you feel like you can use some extra support, email me today.
Behind the Lyrics: How 'Why' Gives Voice to the Silent Struggles of Anxiety
Have you ever heard a new song and it hits you in a certain way? Recently, I’ve been listening to ‘Why’ by Jon Bellion and Luke Combs. As I listened to the lyrics, I realized how relatable the core tenets of this song are. The song explores the emotional weight of anxiety, vulnerability, and self-doubt through deeply introspective lyrics. Anxiety is unpacked through raw, introspective lyrics that echo the inner turmoil many people face but rarely express. The song dives into the mind’s constant overthinking, the struggle with self-worth, and the fear of not being enough - despite love or success. It touches on how anxiety makes us question even genuine affection, bury our vulnerabilities, and carry pain as if it’s our fault alone.
Each verse pulls back the curtain on a different aspect of anxiety: the internal critic that never sleeps, the shame that weighs us down, and the persistent need to hide our flaws. “Why” isn’t just a question - it’s the heartbeat of every anxious thought, revealing how mental battles are often fought in silence.
In relationships, anxiety often shows up as fear of vulnerability, overanalyzing partners’ words, or feeling unworthy of love - just as the lyrics suggest. For new mothers, the pressure to be “enough,” the fear of failing, and the emotional isolation can mirror the self-doubt and inner questioning woven throughout the track. And in everyday life, the need to hide flaws, carry invisible burdens, and constantly second-guess ourselves is a quiet struggle many people carry. By giving voice to these tenets, the song reminds us that anxiety isn't just in our heads - it’s something deeply human, and deeply shared.
I highly recommend anyone resonating with this post to give a listen to the song and see how it might relate to your experiences.
From Bump to Baby Blues: How Hormones Affect Maternal Mental Health
Pregnancy and postpartum are filled with changes - some joyful, some overwhelming, and many that feel hard to explain. One of the biggest unseen forces behind this emotional rollercoaster? Hormones.
Let’s break down what’s going on in your brain and body - and why it’s not just in your head (even when it feels that way).
The Hormonal Orchestra of Pregnancy
During pregnancy, your body becomes a hormonal powerhouse. Estrogen and progesterone - two major reproductive hormones - rise significantly to support the baby’s growth. These hormones also affect mood and brain chemistry.
Estrogen is linked to serotonin, one of the brain’s "feel good" chemicals. When estrogen is high, many women feel more emotionally balanced. But when levels drop rapidly after birth - as they do within hours of delivery - it can leave the brain scrambling to adjust.
Progesterone, often known for its calming effects during pregnancy, also plummets after birth. Combine that with sleep deprivation, physical recovery, and the emotional demands of newborn care, and it's no surprise many new mothers feel overwhelmed, anxious, or tearful.
Baby Blues vs. Something More
Up to 80% of new moms experience the “baby blues” - a short-lived period of mood swings, irritability, and sadness in the first two weeks after birth. This is a normal response to the hormonal crash and life changes that come with a new baby.
But if the symptoms linger longer than two weeks, feel intense, or interfere with your ability to function, it may be a sign of a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD), such as postpartum depression or anxiety. These are medical conditions, not personal failings—and they’re treatable.
The Brain After Baby
Recent neuroscience shows that a mother's brain actually changes during pregnancy and postpartum. Some regions involved in empathy and emotional regulation become more active, helping you bond with your baby. But these same changes can make you more sensitive to stress and emotion.
If you feel like you cry more easily, startle more often, or feel things more deeply - it’s not weakness. It’s your brain rewiring to help you care for a new life. That sensitivity can be beautiful, but it can also be hard.
You’re Not Alone—And You’re Not Broken
If you’re struggling with your mental health during or after pregnancy, know this: hormonal changes play a real, biological role. Your feelings are valid. And you don’t have to go through it alone.
Talking to a therapist trained in maternal mental health can help you make sense of your emotions, understand what’s happening in your body, and build tools to cope with the changes. It’s okay to ask for help - and in doing so, you’re modeling strength and self-compassion.
Your body has done something extraordinary. And it’s okay if your mind and emotions need time to catch up. Whether you’re in the glow of new motherhood or facing the fog of the baby blues, remember: you’re doing better than you think, and support is always available.
Need someone to talk to? Reach out for a free consultation today
Mom Rage Doesn’t Make You a Bad Mom - Let’s Talk About It
We don’t talk enough about the moments in motherhood that make us feel out of control, ashamed, or just plain human. Mom rage - that sudden surge of anger, frustration, or even fury—can come out of nowhere, and when it does, it can leave us feeling like we’ve failed. But here's the truth: feeling rage doesn't make you a bad mom. It makes you a mom under pressure, under-supported, and often unheard.
Personally, I experienced a lot of shame around mom rage when it first appeared. I felt how irrational it all seemed, but couldn’t deny how real it was for me. I would have sudden bursts of anger that feel out of proportion to the situation. I felt out of control and sometimes scared of my own reactions. There was definitely deep shame and guilt after an outburst. I found it incredibly difficult to practice any self-compassion in those moments. I was overstimulated in a way I’d never experienced before (noise, touch, mess) and was unprepared for how maxed out my senses became postpartum. The mental overload - all the decisions, responsibilities, expectations - didn’t help that overstimulation. It felt impossible to calm down quickly after an episode, I’d be crying out of anger and sadness and swinging between both.
For a long time I thought something was “wrong” with me, like I didn’t know how to be a mom in the “right” way. I held onto those beliefs closely, afraid to share them aloud with anyone else. What I learned - after my own eventual therapy and admitting this to myself and my provider - was that this can be an incredible normal experience for moms.
When we are able to open up about our own experiences with mom rage - what triggers it, how it makes us feel, and what we’ve learned from sitting with those emotions instead of burying them - we can break the silence, together.
Postpartum Health for Women with PCOS
Bringing a new life into the world is a powerful and transformative experience. But for women with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), the postpartum period can present unique health challenges that require extra care and awareness. While much of the focus tends to be on pregnancy, understanding postpartum health is just as important—especially when managing a chronic condition like PCOS. With the right support, you can manage your health and thrive in this new phase of life.
What to Expect Postpartum with PCOS:
Hormonal imbalances may lead to irregular periods, mood swings, or fatigue.
Insulin resistance can persist or worsen, affecting weight and energy.
Higher risk of postpartum depression/anxiety—mental health needs attention.
Breastfeeding may be harder for some due to hormone levels, but it's still possible with support.
Tips for Managing PCOS After Birth:
Eat balanced, blood sugar-friendly meals: Focus on protein, veggies, and whole grains.
Move gently when ready: Walking and yoga can help regulate hormones and mood.
Prioritize rest: Sleep supports hormonal balance and mental health.
Watch your mental health: Don’t hesitate to seek help if you feel overwhelmed.
Follow up with your doctor: PCOS needs ongoing management—even after pregnancy.
Your postpartum journey may look different with PCOS, but you're not alone. With the right tools and care, you can feel strong, supported, and in control of your health.
The Power of Therapy During Pregnancy and Postpartum
Pregnancy and postpartum are often portrayed as magical, joy-filled times - but for many women, these seasons are also marked by emotional upheaval, anxiety, and overwhelming change. While physical health receives routine monitoring during this journey, mental and emotional health often fall by the wayside.
Therapy can be a powerful source of support before and after childbirth - not just in moments of crisis, but as a proactive tool for emotional wellness. Here's why more women are turning to therapy during this transformational stage of life - and why you might consider it too.
One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that you only need it when you're in crisis. In reality, therapy during pregnancy and postpartum can be a proactive way to process identity changes, navigate relationship shifts with a partner, prepare for childbirth fears, and create a mental health care plan for after the baby arrives. It’s a space to be seen, be heard, and feel supported—even when things are going “fine.”
Hormonal changes, body image shifts, and the reality of becoming a parent can stir up anxiety, grief, or past traumas. If you’ve experienced miscarriage, infertility, or loss, these feelings can be even more intense. Therapy helps you safely explore anxiety and intrusive thoughts, grief around previous losses or a traumatic birth, fears about becoming a parent, and any unresolved childhood or family dynamics that may be resurfacing.
The postpartum period is often painted in pastel colors and baby snuggles, but the reality can be deeply disorienting. Between sleep deprivation, hormonal crashes, and major life adjustment, many women experience postpartum depression or anxiety, feelings of isolation and resentment, identity confusion (“Who am I now?”), guilt about not feeling “happy enough.” Therapy offers a judgment-free zone to process these emotions, identify signs of perinatal mood disorders, and learn coping strategies that actually work.
Whether you're pregnant, postpartum, or simply adjusting to the realities of motherhood, therapy can be a powerful anchor. Don’t hesitate to reach out—even if you’re not sure what you “need help with.”
You don’t have to do this alone. And you were never meant to.
The Mental Load of New Motherhood: Why You're Not Just 'Tired'
You're exhausted. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually—the kind of tired that a nap won't fix. If you're a new mother, chances are you've heard some version of "Welcome to motherhood!" or "That's just part of the deal." But here's the truth:
You're not just tired—you're carrying a mental load that's invisible, heavy, and constant.
And it matters.
The mental load refers to the invisible labor involved in managing a household and family. For new moms, it’s the never-ending stream of decisions, reminders, and emotional work running in the background of your mind, 24/7.
It sounds like this:
“Do we have enough diapers?”
“Did I respond to the pediatrician’s portal message?”
“When’s the next feeding?”
“I need to schedule tummy time.”
“I should be grateful, why do I feel like crying all the time?”
You're not imagining this—it’s real cognitive and emotional work, and it takes a toll.
During the postpartum period, you're navigating massive transitions, all the while being expected to remember everything, anticipate everyone’s needs, and stay emotionally available.
This burden often falls disproportionately on mothers, even in households that aim for equality.
While postpartum cognitive fog is real, it’s often mislabeled or misunderstood. You're not "losing it"—your brain is overloaded. Decision fatigue, lack of rest, and high emotional labor create a perfect storm that mimics forgetfulness and confusion.
It’s not your fault.
You may not be able to drop the load entirely, but there are ways to redistribute and soften it:
Name it: Simply identifying what’s happening can bring a sense of relief. When you feel overwhelmed, ask: “Is this physical exhaustion or mental load burnout?”
Delegate or share tasks: Talk with your partner or support system about the difference between doing and remembering. It’s not just taking out the trash—it’s knowing it needs to be done in the first place.
Prioritize rest & recovery: Not just sleep—mental rest. That might mean letting go of non-urgent to-do lists, turning off notifications, or taking a mental health walk while someone else holds the baby.
Seek Professional Support: A maternal mental health therapist can help you sort through overwhelm, process emotions, and build strategies that support your wellbeing.
If you're reading this and nodding along, please know: You are not alone, and you are not failing. The mental load is real, and acknowledging it is a powerful step toward reclaiming your energy, your peace, and your sense of self.
If you're struggling with the mental load of motherhood, I'm here to help. Whether you're navigating postpartum anxiety, burnout, or just feeling lost in the transition, support is available. Reach out today to connect and learn more.
Rebuilding Connection After a Rough Patch in a Relationship
Relationships naturally ebb and flow, but certain life transitions can feel like tidal waves — overwhelming, disorienting, and often isolating. For many couples, the journey through trying to conceive (TTC), facing infertility, and adjusting to parenthood can trigger emotional distance, miscommunication, and tension that’s hard to repair in the moment. If you're in the process of rebuilding connection after one of these intense phases — or still living through it — you're not alone. This post explores why these transitions are so challenging and offers practical steps to help you and your partner reconnect with intention and compassion.
Why These Life Stages Strain Even Strong Relationships
Trying to Conceive (TTC)
The pressure to conceive — especially when it doesn’t happen easily — can take the romance and spontaneity out of intimacy. Scheduled sex, fertility tracking, and medical appointments can feel clinical and emotionally draining. One partner may become more anxious or consumed by the process, while the other may struggle with how to support or feel left behind.
Infertility and Loss
Infertility can bring up profound grief, shame, or guilt. Partners often cope differently, which can lead to misunderstanding or emotional distance. One partner might be driven to “fix” the problem, while the other needs space to grieve. When communication breaks down, it can start to feel like you’re facing the pain alone instead of together.
Early Parenthood
Welcoming a baby is a seismic shift in every part of life. Exhaustion, hormonal changes, loss of independence, and a complete redefinition of roles can leave little room for nurturing the relationship. Intimacy often takes a backseat. Resentments may build if one partner feels unseen or overwhelmed.
How to Rebuild Connection Through and After These Transitions
Normalize the Disconnection
First, know that disconnection during high-stress life changes is incredibly common. It doesn't mean your relationship is broken — it means you're both human. Acknowledging this without blame can reduce defensiveness and open the door to repair.
Rediscover Micro-Connection
Reconnection doesn’t have to be grand gestures. A six-second kiss, holding hands during a walk, a midday “thinking of you” text — these small moments add up. They help remind each other, “I still see you.”
Rebuild Intimacy Gently
If physical intimacy has become a source of stress or disconnection, take the pressure off. Focus on non-sexual touch: back rubs, cuddling, even laying in bed together without expectations. Emotional safety often needs to be rebuilt before physical closeness follows.
Reflect on Your Shared Story
Revisit what brought you together. Look through old photos, tell stories about your early days, or even write down the hardest things you’ve overcome together. It helps shift the focus from “We’re struggling” to “We’ve survived a lot, and we’re still here.”
Rebuilding connection doesn’t mean returning to “how things were” — it means evolving together. The relationship may not look the same, but it can deepen into something even more resilient and authentic. Be patient with the process and with yourselves.
If you’re navigating TTC, infertility, or new parenthood and feeling alone in your relationship, know that help is available — and hope is real.
Supporting a New Mom’s Mental Health: A Guide for Partners, Family, and Friends
Bringing a new baby into the world is often described as magical—but it can also be overwhelming, exhausting, and emotionally complex. While much attention is given to the baby's needs, the mental health of the mother is just as important, and often overlooked. Whether you're a partner, friend, grandparent, or sibling, you have a vital role to play in supporting a new mom's emotional well-being. This post offers a guide for practical and compassionate ways to be there for the new mother in your life.
The early days, weeks, and even months after giving birth are emotionally intense. Many mothers experience mood swings, anxiety, and exhaustion. While some level of this is normal, maternal mental health challenges such as postpartum depression (PPD), anxiety, or trauma can go unrecognized or unspoken. How can you help? Learn about common postpartum mental health conditions so you can recognize the signs. Ask open-ended, judgment-free questions like: “How are you really feeling these days?” Avoid minimizing or dismissing her emotions—even if she “seems fine” on the outside. Understanding and empathy go a long way. Being informed helps you show up in meaningful, respectful ways.
Sometimes the most valuable thing you can offer is your presence. You don’t need to have the perfect advice or solution. Just being a calm, supportive presence can ease feelings of isolation and overwhelm. Supportive presence might look like sitting with her during feedings, even in silence…holding space for her to vent or cry without trying to “fix” it…saying things like: “You’re not alone. I’m here with you.” Active listening, patience, and kindness are more healing than any tip or trick.
Mental health struggles are not a personal failure—they’re a common part of the postpartum journey for many women. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is encourage her to reach out for help. Things to try: offer to help find a therapist who specializes in maternal mental health…normalize therapy by sharing positive experiences or simply saying: “Talking to someone might really help—it’s nothing to be ashamed of”…offer to watch the baby while she attends appointments, or even drive her if she’s open to it. Mental health support is not a luxury—it’s essential.
You don’t have to be perfect to support a new mom. What she needs most is safety, love, and presence. When she feels truly seen and supported, she’s more likely to open up, ask for help, and find her footing again. If you or someone you love is navigating the emotional challenges of new motherhood, I’m here to help.
Redefining Success & Productivity as a New Mom
A big theme I see in my sessions with clients and on social media is how societal norms often equate productivity with visible output: how clean is your home? when are you returning to work? is your body “bouncing back?” This can add an often overlooked layer of stress and overwhelm to new moms who are likely already navigating hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and caring for a newborn. A notion I like to offer is how to shift our focus away from these norms and redefine success & productivity for each respective mother and what works for them. This can mean acknowledging how nurturing a new life, healing your body, and adjusting to a completely new identity are enormously productive acts. We can define success not by tasks checked off a list, but by how well a mom is caring for herself emotionally and physically. Is she setting boundaries, asking for help, choosing rest over perfection? GREAT. You might not be able to fold laundry or cook dinner—but maybe you took a shower today. Maybe you texted a friend back. Maybe you sat in the sunshine for five quiet minutes. These are victories. And when you're in the thick of new motherhood, small wins are everything.
Motherhood isn’t a productivity contest. It’s a relationship. A rhythm. A deeply human, sometimes messy, always meaningful journey.
So here’s your reminder: You are doing enough. You are enough. And success, in this season, might look a lot more like presence than productivity.
The Power of Friendship
Having friends and strong social support can significantly improve mental health by reducing feelings of loneliness and providing a sense of belonging. Supportive relationships offer emotional comfort during difficult times, helping individuals cope with stress, anxiety, and depression more effectively. I’ve spoken to many people who sometimes struggle with being open with their friends about their own challenges, citing worry about feeling like a burden to others, others having their own challenges to face, etc. While there is certainly a line between venting to a friend and seeking therapy, the power of friendship cannot be denied as it relates to overall well-being. Research has shown that increased social support is associated with reduced anxiety levels. Connecting with others—especially those who listen without judgment—can remind us that we’re not alone and that seeking help doesn't make us a burden, but rather reflects our shared human need for connection and understanding. That connection doesn’t have to be based on sharing your woes, but giving you an escape from those woes to be present and enjoy the company of someone close to you. Make a plan to grab some coffee, walk around the park, have dinner out - make an Instagram group chat and send each other funny memes - there are countless ways to stay connected and continue to foster friendship. Prioritizing meaningful relationships not only enhances overall well-being but also reminds us that seeking support is a strength, not a burden.
Reproductive Health for Women
Reproductive health is essential for women's overall well-being. It empowers us to make informed choices about our bodies, plan families, and prevent or treat conditions that can affect fertility and long-term health. Though this has (unfortunately) become a political topic, at it’s core reproductive health reduces maternal mortality and promotes healthier communities. Our habits around reproductive health start in childhood - as puberty begins, and we have our first periods, the messaging and the support we receive (or don’t receive) can really shape our relationship to our own reproductive health. From regular gynecological check-ups, to learning about safe sex practices, to understanding our bodies, women can be proactive about their health. I often speak to women who are in their late 20s or 30s and ready to start their families, and are shocked to face challenges with fertility. I hold a strong belief that women have expectations thrust upon them (from family, culture, society, etc.) that whenever they’re ready to conceive, it’ll happen in the blink of an eye. And for some people this is true, but for an increasing majority of others it is not. Personally, I experienced my own anxiety around reproductive health. I got my period at 11 years old (on the day of the 9/11 attacks, so needless to say that’ll be something I won’t soon forget). And then it stopped coming - first for months, then for years. I was incredibly obese for most of my life (genetics, mainly) and as a 13 year old girl I was brought in to a reproductive endocrinologist to talk about my fertility. It was scary and confusing and I didn’t understand much at that time. The doctor told me I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), my hormones were essentially wrong, and I was placed on birth control so my periods could come back. They did. But at 13, I wasn’t told (or if I was, it definitely didn’t hit me the same way) that PCOS could have significant effects on my fertility. Years go by, I continue on birth control and Metformin (insulin resistance drug). In my mid 20s I took control of my physical health and lost over 100 lbs. I continued to attend regular gynecology appointments. When my husband and I got engaged, I realized I needed to revisit the PCOS conversation. I advocated for myself with my doctor to get new lab work done. I went off birth control to understand how my body would respond after literally over 10 years being on the pill. After labs, I was told I no longer needed the Metformin (huge win), but no one could still tell me for sure how conceiving a baby would be. After going off the pill, I started tracking my cycle, taking ovulation tests, and gaining information on what my body was doing. I gave myself 8 months leading up to my wedding to do this. When my period continued to come naturally, and the ovulation strips showed my body was releasing eggs, I then advocated further and asked for an ultrasound to see physiologically what my reproductive system was looking like. I gave the ultrasound tech the shortest version of my story, and she was completely understanding and compassionate. She scanned me, and showed me and explained that although there were small cysts on my ovaries, there were no obstructions, I was presently ovulating, and there was no indication that I would face any significant challenge with conceiving. She told me to try to enjoy the newlywed time, have fun, drink if I wanted to, and have sex with my husband. I told this to my husband and we expressed our relief that we (I) didn’t have to carry this stress. And when we did the math, turns out we conceived our son when I got home from that appointment. So…all of this to say - be informed, pay attention to your body, keep up with regular doctor visits, and advocate for yourself. There may still be challenges, but you could potentially save precious time trying to conceive, suffering miscarriages, and blaming yourself or your partner for things outside of anyone’s control.
The Importance of Self-Compassion
I’m sure we’ve all heard it before - “you’re being too hard on yourself!” And, as with most things, it’s easier said than done to take the advice you’d give others, which is often much kinder than our internal dialogue. Finding ways to incorporate more self-compassion can be significant for improving mental health. Mothers in particular are often under immense pressure to be perfect, which leads to guilt, shame, and burnout. Self-compassion acts as a protective buffer against anxiety, depression, and the negative effects of self-criticism. Research shows self-compassion is strongly associated with lower levels of postpartum depression and anxiety. It helps reduce rumination, fear of judgment, and emotional exhaustion. So how do we practice more self-compassion? Some practical applications that can be seamlessly added into our regular routines include replacing harsh inner dialogue with supportive words (“I’m doing the best I can”), pausing and acknowledging difficult emotions without judgment (“This is hard right now, and it’s okay to feel this way”), & create micro-moments of kindness toward yourself throughout the day (sit down for just 60 seconds, put your phone away, and take several slow, deep breaths).
Self-compassion isn't a luxury — it’s a lifeline. In the ups and downs of motherhood, treating yourself with grace can make all the difference. You are not alone, and you are more than enough—even on the messy days.
Feeling more anxious postpartum?
Not uncommon! Postpartum anxiety is a common mental health concern experienced by new mothers, characterized by excessive worry and anxiety about their baby, their ability to care for them, and their own health. It affects approximately 20% of new mothers and can significantly impact both maternal well-being and infant development. Postpartum anxiety is different from the normal feelings of stress and worry associated with new parenthood, as it can be persistent, overwhelming, and interfere with daily life. That’s when it’s important to have support around one of the most significant adjustments in your life. Why does it happen? The rapid decline in hormones after childbirth can contribute to mood changes and increased sensitivity to stress. There will likely be a significant loss of sleep, which can exacerbate anxiety. The intense desire to protect and care for the baby can sometimes lead to overwhelming anxiety. While this can be common among new mothers, seeking support is a vital part of caring for your overall well-being. Addressing your mental health early can positively impact both your recovery and your bond with your baby. You don’t have to face this alone — seeking support for postpartum anxiety is a courageous and powerful step toward healing.
Motherhood & Identity: Finding Yourself Again
One of the biggest challenges that women may face as they enter motherhood is feeling like they may not recognize themselves anymore. Their routines are completely different, their focus has shifted, and their sense of self-care can often be a distant thought. The mom hat becomes the prominent hat, and while there’s nothing wrong with that by any means, it’s not the only part of women that exists. We are still individuals, partners, sisters, cousins, friends, etc. Realizing identity isn’t static — it evolves - can be a helpful reminder throughout this transition. Reclaiming your “and” — you can be a mom and still be creative, sexy, ambitious, adventurous, etc. You can still work, connect with friends, take care of yourself. It might not look the same as it did before your little one arrived, but it can still be fulfilling and it is incredibly important. Embracing the new parts of you that motherhood unlocks (strength, patience, vulnerability) can also be validating and empowering as we redefine our sense of self in this new journey. How can you apply some of this to your own experience in motherhood?
The Postpartum Experience…
If you’re at all connected to mom content on social media, you may have noticed an increasing trend of demystifying the emotional challenges women face after childbirth. For so long, and still to a certain degree today, there has been a stigma around new moms feeling anything but exclusively grateful, happy, and in newborn bliss. The truth is, this is an unrealistic standard that has been set for women and the reality can often be a stark contrast to this bubbly, warm, and joyful image. For me, I oscillated between immense gratitude for a healthy baby boy delivered via emergency C-section and a sense of grief around how his entrance into the world unfolded. Upon returning home from the hospital, I quickly realized this was going to be more of a change than I could have imagined. Over those first few weeks at home, my husband and I tried desperately to figure out a schedule, a plan, to feel any kind of control over a completely new experience that had us both thrown for a loop. Time does pass, you do figure things out as you go, it won’t be perfect. But hormonal changes on top of such significant adjustments can often add a whole new level of stress, worry, fear, sadness, and overwhelm. Even with the best supports in place, this can often be the stark reality of life as a new mom. If this hasn’t been your experience - amazing for you! Truly! I wish every new mom could have an easy transition into this phase of life. But if you’re resonating with anything I’m explaining here, please know that I would be honored to have the opportunity to support you through these challenges.
Let’s talk communication…
Have you ever heard the term “communication is key”? Have you ever rolled your eyes at that idea? I can admit I was that way too. For a long time I believed that if I didn’t have anything remotely not-nasty to say as a response to something - especially something I was not thrilled about - that it was better to stay quiet. I can look back now and realize that was in no way the most effective approach to communicating. That was not communicating at all. I realized I had to share how I was feeling or what I was thinking with others, especially in the relationships I valued. But I also realized there are better ways to deliver these messages. It can be somewhat daunting to consider telling someone exactly how you feel about what they said to you or what they did, but if you don’t share then by default the things that are happening around you become enabled. If your friend calls you and asks you for a ride to the airport at 5am, and you don’t want to do it but you say yes, then how do they know you don’t want to do it? And then they call you again for the next trip? Ugh! But the thing is - you can’t assume other people know your reactions and responses to things if you don’t exercise your power to tell and/or show them. In therapy, we can explore a myriad of different communication skills and styles. You can learn to communicate better and potentially be an example of effective communication in your relationships. So…let’s talk!