Traveling with Postpartum Anxiety: Tips for Managing Worry Away from Home
For many new moms, the idea of a family trip sounds exciting in theory. A change of scenery, quality time together, and a break from everyday routines can all seem appealing. But if you're experiencing postpartum anxiety, travel may bring up a very different set of emotions: worry, fear, overwhelm, and a seemingly endless stream of "what if" thoughts.
If you've found yourself stressing about naps, feeding schedules, illness, safety, packing the "right" items, or how your baby will handle being away from home, you're not alone. Traveling with a baby can feel like stepping away from the routines and environments that help you feel secure. For many moms, that uncertainty can amplify anxiety.
The good news is that you don't have to eliminate all worry before you travel. Instead, the goal is to make room for both the anxiety and the experience.
Why Travel Can Feel So Hard After Having a Baby
Postpartum anxiety often thrives on uncertainty. Travel naturally introduces many unknowns:
What if the baby doesn't sleep?
What if they get sick?
What if I forget something important?
What if I can't calm them down?
What if everyone else is having fun and I'm struggling?
Many moms also feel pressure to make the trip enjoyable for everyone while simultaneously managing their baby's needs. The mental load can feel exhausting before the vacation even begins.
Remember: Preparation and Control Are Not the Same Thing
One common trap for anxious moms is believing that if they prepare enough, they can prevent anything from going wrong.
Preparation is helpful. Packing essentials, researching accommodations, and planning logistics can reduce stress.
But there comes a point when preparation becomes an attempt to control every possible outcome. Anxiety often convinces us that if we think about every scenario, we'll be safer. In reality, it usually leaves us feeling more exhausted.
Before your trip, ask yourself:
"Am I solving a likely problem, or am I trying to eliminate all uncertainty?"
The answer can help you distinguish between practical planning and anxiety-driven planning.
Focus on What You Actually Need
When anxiety is high, it's easy to create a mental checklist that feels endless.
Instead of asking:
"What if I need this?"
Try asking:
"If something unexpected happens, how would I handle it?"
Most parents are far more capable than anxiety gives them credit for.
You may not be able to pack for every possibility, but you can trust your ability to respond when challenges arise.
Give Yourself Permission to Adjust Expectations
A vacation with a baby may not look like vacations did before parenthood.
You may move more slowly.
You may spend extra time in the hotel room.
You may miss activities because of naps or feeding needs.
You may have moments where everyone is tired and overwhelmed.
None of those things mean the trip is failing.
Sometimes the most meaningful memories happen in the unplanned moments, not the perfectly scheduled ones.
Create a Simple Anxiety Plan
Rather than trying to prevent anxiety, consider planning for it.
Ask yourself:
What usually helps when I feel anxious?
Who can I reach out to for support?
What grounding techniques work best for me?
How will I know when I need a break?
Having a plan can help you feel more prepared without requiring you to eliminate anxiety completely.
Practice Returning to the Present
Anxiety tends to pull us into the future.
It asks us to imagine everything that could go wrong.
One helpful practice is gently bringing your attention back to what's happening right now.
Notice:
Your baby's smile.
The warmth of the sun.
The sound of waves.
The feeling of holding your child's hand.
You don't have to force yourself to "just enjoy it." Instead, focus on noticing small moments as they happen.
You Don't Need a “Perfect” Vacation
Many moms put tremendous pressure on themselves to make vacations memorable, smooth, and enjoyable for everyone.
But your worth as a mother is not determined by how perfectly a trip goes.
Your baby doesn't need a flawless vacation.
Your family doesn't need a flawless vacation.
They need you— present, imperfect, and human.
If you're traveling while navigating postpartum anxiety, be gentle with yourself. It's normal to feel excited and anxious at the same time. It's normal to miss the comfort of home. And it's normal to have moments where anxiety feels louder than you'd like.
The goal isn't to travel without worry.
The goal is to continue living your life, making memories, and experiencing meaningful moments even when anxiety comes along for the ride.
Because confidence isn't the absence of anxiety - it's learning that you can handle more uncertainty than you think.
Pregnancy Perfectionism: When Every Decision Feels High Stakes
For many women, pregnancy comes with an overwhelming pressure to “do everything right.”
Suddenly, everyday decisions can start to feel loaded with meaning:
What should I eat?
Am I exercising enough?
Should I drink coffee?
Am I preparing enough?
What if I miss something important?
What if I make the wrong choice?
Even women who did not previously identify as anxious or perfectionistic can find themselves constantly researching, overthinking, second-guessing, and monitoring every detail during pregnancy.
And beneath all of it is often one powerful fear:
What if something goes wrong, and it’s my fault?
Why Pregnancy Can Intensify Perfectionism
Pregnancy is a time filled with uncertainty, vulnerability, and lack of control - three things perfectionism struggles with most.
Many women enter pregnancy carrying the belief that if they can just:
research enough,
prepare enough,
optimize enough,
or control enough,
then they can guarantee a healthy pregnancy, healthy baby, and smooth transition into motherhood.
But pregnancy simply does not offer that level of certainty.
There are endless opinions, recommendations, warnings, apps, books, and social media messages telling women what they should or shouldn’t be doing. While information can be helpful, it can also create the feeling that every decision carries enormous consequences.
Over time, this can lead to:
chronic anxiety,
reassurance-seeking,
obsessive researching,
guilt,
mental exhaustion,
difficulty relaxing,
and a constant feeling of being “on alert.”
When “Being Careful” Turns Into Anxiety
Of course, it makes sense to want to take care of yourself during pregnancy.
But anxiety often disguises itself as responsibility.
You may notice yourself:
repeatedly Googling symptoms,
panicking between appointments,
needing constant reassurance that the baby is okay,
feeling unable to trust your body,
comparing yourself to other pregnant women,
spiraling after reading something online,
or feeling intense guilt over small choices.
Many women quietly believe:
“A good mother would be calmer.”
“A good mother wouldn’t make mistakes.”
“A good mother would know what to do.”
But motherhood does not begin with perfection.
It begins with being human.
The Emotional Weight of “Getting It Right”
Pregnancy perfectionism is often rooted in love and fear at the same time.
You care deeply.
You want to protect your baby.
You want to feel prepared.
But carrying the emotional responsibility for everything can become incredibly heavy.
Many pregnant women describe feeling like they can never fully relax because there is always something else to worry about, monitor, prepare for, or research.
Instead of feeling connected to pregnancy, they feel consumed by pressure.
And unfortunately, the more anxiety demands certainty, the more impossible certainty becomes.
You do not have to perform pregnancy perfectly to deserve support, compassion, or rest.
Pregnancy is not a test you pass by optimizing every moment.
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is gently step away from the pressure to control everything and allow yourself to be supported instead.
Therapy during pregnancy can provide a space to:
process anxiety and fears,
reduce perfectionistic pressure,
build trust in yourself,
manage uncertainty,
and feel more emotionally supported during this transition.
You do not have to carry the weight of pregnancy anxiety alone.
Therapy Support During IVF or Fertility Treatments
Fertility treatment can be emotionally exhausting in ways many people don’t anticipate. While appointments, medications, bloodwork, and procedures often become the focus, the emotional impact of IVF and fertility treatment is just as important.
Many women and couples describe fertility treatment as living in a constant cycle of hope, uncertainty, grief, waiting, and pressure. Even when friends and family are supportive, it can still feel incredibly isolating.
Therapy can provide a space to process the emotional weight of fertility treatment while helping you feel more grounded and supported during the process.
The Emotional Impact of IVF and Fertility Treatment
Trying to conceive through IVF or other fertility treatments often involves more than medical stress. It can affect nearly every area of life, including:
Relationships
Self-esteem
Anxiety levels
Mood and emotional regulation
Work performance
Social connections
Body image
Sense of identity
Financial stress
Future planning
Many people experiencing infertility also struggle with feelings they did not expect, including shame, anger, jealousy, numbness, guilt, or loneliness.
It’s common to wonder:
“Why does this seem so easy for everyone else?”
“How much more can I handle?”
“Will this ever happen for me?”
These thoughts are more common than many people realize.
The Stress of Living “Cycle to Cycle”
One of the most emotionally difficult parts of fertility treatment is the constant uncertainty.
There are endless waiting periods:
Waiting for ovulation
Waiting for test results
Waiting after retrievals
Waiting during the two-week wait
Waiting after transfers
Waiting for answers
This ongoing uncertainty can leave people feeling emotionally drained and hyper-focused on every symptom, appointment, or possible outcome.
Over time, many women begin to feel like their entire life revolves around fertility treatment.
IVF Can Affect Relationships Too
Fertility struggles can place strain on even strong relationships.
Partners may cope differently. One person may want to talk constantly while the other withdraws emotionally. Communication can become difficult when both people are carrying stress in different ways.
Some couples notice:
Increased conflict
Emotional distance
Difficulty discussing treatment decisions
Intimacy challenges
Feelings of resentment or guilt
Different levels of hope or optimism
Therapy can help couples navigate these challenges with more compassion and understanding.
Grief During Fertility Treatment Is Real
Many people experiencing infertility carry invisible grief.
There may be grief related to:
Negative pregnancy tests
Failed cycles
Miscarriage
Loss of control
Expectations about how conceiving “should” happen
Because infertility grief is often private, it may feel misunderstood or minimized by others.
Comments like “It’ll happen when the time is right” can leave people feeling even more alone.
Therapy offers a place where that grief does not need to be minimized or explained away.
How Therapy Can Help During IVF or Fertility Treatment
Therapy during fertility treatment is not about “staying positive all the time.” In fact, many people feel relief simply having a place where they can be honest about how difficult the process feels.
Therapy may help with:
Managing anxiety and overwhelm
Coping with uncertainty
Processing grief and disappointment
Reducing obsessive thought spirals
Improving communication with partners
Setting boundaries with family or friends
Navigating pregnancy announcements and triggers
Building emotional resilience during treatment
For some women, therapy also becomes an important support system when balancing fertility treatment alongside work, parenting, or previous pregnancy loss.
You Do Not Have to Wait Until You’re in Crisis
Many people wait to seek emotional support because they feel they “should” be able to handle fertility treatment on their own.
But fertility treatment can be emotionally demanding even for highly resilient people.
Seeking therapy does not mean you are weak or giving up. It means you are creating support for yourself during a difficult and deeply personal experience.
If you are going through IVF or fertility treatment right now, you may already be carrying more emotionally than most people around you realize.
You deserve support that cares for your mental and emotional well-being, not just the medical side of fertility treatment.
You do not have to navigate it alone.
The Emotional Weight of Unmet Expectations: Mother’s Day Edition
Mother’s Day is often portrayed as a celebration filled with gratitude, thoughtful gestures, and meaningful connection. For many mothers, however, the day can bring unexpected disappointment, loneliness, or emotional hurt - especially when plans change, expectations go unmet, or they feel unseen by the people closest to them.
As a therapist who works with mothers, I have a front row seat to women not wanting to seem selfish or ungrateful, while simultaneously feeling emotional exhaustion that comes with a longing to feel valued.
Many moms are not asking for perfection. They are asking to feel considered.
There is an important difference.
Why Mother’s Day Can Feel So Emotionally Loaded
For many women, motherhood involves carrying an enormous amount of invisible labor. Managing schedules, anticipating needs, remembering details, offering emotional support, and creating meaningful experiences for everyone else often become second nature.
Mothers are frequently the ones making birthdays special, planning holidays, buying thoughtful gifts, coordinating traditions, and ensuring others feel loved and celebrated.
Because of this, Mother’s Day can carry emotional significance beyond flowers, cards, or reservations. It becomes symbolic. A reflection of whether the emotional care they consistently give is being noticed and reciprocated.
When the day feels rushed, forgotten, last-minute, or emotionally disconnected, the disappointment often runs deeper than the event itself.
It can trigger thoughts like:
“Do they really see how much I do?”
“Why do I always have to ask?”
“Am I appreciated, or just expected?”
These are not shallow concerns - they are deeply human emotional needs.
The Pain of Feeling Invisible in Your Own Family
One of the most difficult experiences for many mothers is not necessarily the absence of gifts or plans, but the feeling of emotional invisibility.
Sometimes Mother’s Day disappointment looks like:
Plans repeatedly changing or falling through
A spouse appearing distracted or disengaged
Children resisting participation or seeming uninterested
Moms still managing the cooking, cleaning, organizing, or emotional labor of the day
Feeling guilty for wanting more effort or thoughtfulness
Many mothers minimize these feelings quickly. They tell themselves:
“I shouldn’t expect too much.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“It’s just one day.”
But dismissing emotional pain does not make it disappear.
Feeling hurt by a lack of effort does not make someone demanding. Often, it reflects a deeper desire for acknowledgment, partnership, emotional attunement, and care.
The Mental Load Mothers Carry
One reason Mother’s Day can feel particularly painful is because many mothers spend much of the year emotionally tracking everyone else’s needs.
They remember appointments.
They notice mood changes.
They anticipate disappointments.
They create comfort.
They manage traditions.
They think ahead for everyone.
Over time, this can create an unspoken hope that someone will eventually do the same for them - without being asked repeatedly.
Not because mothers expect perfection, but because they want to feel emotionally held too.
When that does not happen, disappointment can quickly become resentment, sadness, or emotional disconnection.
Why Communication Matters
Many mothers struggle to express these feelings openly because they fear sounding ungrateful, difficult, or “too emotional.”
But emotional needs deserve language.
Healthy relationships are strengthened not by pretending disappointment does not exist, but by creating space to talk about it honestly and respectfully.
For some families, Mother’s Day can become an opportunity for deeper conversations about:
Appreciation
Mental load
Partnership
Reciprocity
Feeling seen and valued within the family system
These conversations may feel uncomfortable initially, especially for mothers who are used to prioritizing everyone else’s comfort above their own. But silence often leads to growing resentment, while honest communication creates the possibility for change.
A Reminder for Mothers Feeling Disappointed
If Mother’s Day felt painful this year, it does not mean you are selfish, ungrateful, or expecting too much.
Wanting care, effort, thoughtfulness, and emotional presence is not unreasonable.
Mothers are not simply caretakers. They are people with emotional needs, limits, desires, disappointments, and longing for connection just like everyone else.
And sometimes the most healing thing a mother can hear is this:
Your disappointment matters too.
Not because Mother’s Day must be perfect, but because feeling seen, valued, and emotionally supported matters every day of the year.
Mama Needs Some Coffee Chat
Last weekend, I had the absolute privilege to meet with an old friend from high school, Francine, who has created a new YouTube series called “Mama Needs Some Coffee Chat.” She is inviting accomplished women who are also moms to discuss a variety of topics related to women’s health and motherhood. When she reached out to set up our interview, it was such a delight to reconnect with her at first over the phone and then again in person after a literal decade! Returning to each other after so many years, our own life experiences, and welcoming our own children was refreshing and enjoyable. The added bonus of being able to speak so openly, comfortably, and honestly about postpartum mental health made the overall experience that much more heartwarming.
Give Francine a follow on Instagram - @mamaneedssomecoffee.chat so you can stay connected to her continued series.
I am excited to share the link to our full interview here on my blog. Enjoy!
Moms Supporting Moms: Importance of Community in Motherhood
Motherhood has a way of reshaping everything—your routines, your identity, even the way you see yourself in the world. It’s beautiful, yes, but it can also feel isolating in ways no one fully prepares you for. In those early days especially, when everything is new and overwhelming, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one struggling to find your footing.
That’s why community matters so much. There’s something uniquely powerful about being surrounded by other moms who truly understand what you’re going through - not just in theory, but through lived experience. The kind of support that comes from shared sleepless nights, feeding struggles, toddler meltdowns, and the quiet, complicated emotions in between can’t be replicated elsewhere.
For me, finding my circle of mom friends didn’t just make motherhood easier - it made it feel less lonely. In the conversations, the check-ins, and even the small moments of reassurance, I found a sense of belonging that helped me adjust to this new chapter of life. This post is about that experience: how connecting with other moms created a support system I didn’t know I needed, and why those relationships can make all the difference in navigating motherhood.
Before I became a mom myself, I had a front-row seat to motherhood through my two best friends. I watched them navigate pregnancy, delivery, and those hazy newborn days with a mix of awe and curiosity. At the time, I could offer love and encouragement, but if I’m being honest, I didn’t fully get it. I didn’t yet understand the mental load, the identity shift, or the way your heart can feel stretched in a hundred directions at once.
When I had my first baby, both of them were welcoming their second. Suddenly, everything clicked in a way it hadn’t before. The exhaustion, the constant second-guessing, the overwhelming love - it all made sense. And in that season, their presence became something I leaned on heavily. They were a few steps ahead, offering reassurance that what I was feeling was normal, that the hard phases would pass, and that I was doing better than I thought. There was comfort in knowing they had already been where I was standing.
But something else happened too - I started to see just how much they were carrying as moms of two. The juggle, the divided attention, the logistics of everyday life - it gave me a new perspective on what they had been managing all along. Our friendship shifted in a good way. It became less about me observing their experience and more about us meeting each other in it, even if our days didn’t look exactly the same.
Then, over time, our circle grew. More of our friends stepped into motherhood, and I found myself on the other side of the dynamic. This time, I wasn’t the one trying to catch up—I was the one being looked to for reassurance, for honesty, for solidarity. And I realized how much those early conversations with my friends had shaped me. They had shown me what it looks like to be open about the hard parts, to show up without judgment, and to offer support in ways that are both big and small.
Becoming a “village” for newer moms didn’t mean having all the answers. It meant sending a quick message to check in, sending a Venmo for iced coffee, or simply saying, “I get it. It’s hard.” It meant remembering how much those small gestures mattered to me and trying to pass that along. In many ways, supporting them helped me grow more confident in my own role as a mom.
What I’ve come to understand is that motherhood isn’t meant to be navigated alone. The beauty of these friendships is that they evolve with you. At one point, you’re learning from the moms ahead of you. Then you’re walking alongside each other. And eventually, you find yourself reaching back to support someone just starting out. That cycle - that quiet, steady exchange of support - is what makes the whole experience feel a little less overwhelming and a lot more connected.
At the end of the day, finding your “people” in motherhood doesn’t have to follow one specific path. Sometimes it starts with the friends who were already in your life - those who grow alongside you into this new role - and other times it comes from branching out, whether that’s chatting with another mom at the playground, connecting through your child’s activities, or joining a local group. However it happens, what matters is staying open to those connections. The shared understanding, the small check-ins, and the mutual support can turn acquaintances into your village over time. And in a season that can feel isolating, building that community - whether old or new - has a way of making motherhood feel a little less heavy and a lot less alone.
Touched Out: What It Means and How to Cope
If you’ve ever flinched when someone else reaches for you after a long day of holding, hugging, nursing, or being climbed on - you’re not alone. That overwhelmed, “please don’t touch me right now” feeling has a name: being touched out.
And no, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. It means your nervous system is overloaded.
What Does “Touched Out” Mean?
Being touched out is the experience of sensory overload from constant physical contact. It’s common in motherhood, especially during seasons when your body is in near-constant demand - think newborn feeding, toddler clinginess, or kids who want to sit on you every waking moment.
Over time, your brain and body can start to feel like there’s no off switch.
You might notice:
Irritability or snapping when someone touches you
A strong urge to pull away from physical contact
Feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, or “on edge”
Wanting space, but not getting it
Guilt for not wanting affection
Why It Happens
At its core, being touched out is about nervous system overload.
As moms, your body often becomes:
A source of comfort
A place of regulation for your child
A tool for caregiving (feeding, carrying, soothing)
But here’s the problem: you’re giving constant input without enough time to reset.
Add in factors like:
Sleep deprivation
Noise and chaos
Mental load and decision fatigue
Lack of personal space
…and your system starts to say: “That’s enough.”
The Guilt That Comes With It
Many moms think:
“I should want cuddles all the time.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“They just need me.”
Here’s the truth:
You can love your children deeply and still need physical boundaries.
Those two things are not in conflict - they’re actually necessary for each other.
How to Cope When You Feel Touched Out
You don’t need hours alone to start feeling better (though that would be nice). Small shifts can make a big difference.
1. Build in “No-Touch” Moments
Even 5–10 minutes of intentional physical space can help reset your system.
Sit alone in a room
Take a shower without interruptions
Step outside for fresh air
The key is predictable breaks, not waiting until you’re at your limit.
2. Use Clear, Gentle Boundaries
It’s okay to say:
“My body needs a break right now.”
“I’m going to sit next to you, not hold you.”
This teaches your child something powerful: people can have needs and still be loving.
3. Reduce Other Sensory Input
When touch is too much, everything can feel like too much.
Try lowering:
Noise (turn off background TV, play soft music)
Visual clutter
Multitasking
Less input = more capacity.
4. Regulate Your Nervous System
Quick resets can help your body come back to baseline:
Take slow, deep breaths (long exhales)
Stretch your arms and shoulders
Step into a quiet space, even briefly
You’re signaling to your body: you’re safe, you can soften.
5. Ask for Support (If You Can)
If you have a partner, family member, or support system:
Tag out for a bit
Ask someone else to handle bedtime or playtime
Communicate your needs before you’re overwhelmed
You deserve breaks before burnout - not after.
6. Release the Guilt
This part matters just as much as anything else.
Being touched out doesn’t mean:
You’re cold
You’re disconnected
You’re doing motherhood wrong
It means you’re human.
A Gentle Reframe
Instead of thinking:
“Why can’t I handle this?”
Try:
“My body is asking for a break.”
That shift from judgment to understanding changes everything.
You’re Not Alone in This
So many moms quietly experience this but don’t talk about it. The expectation to be endlessly available - physically and emotionally - is unrealistic.
You are allowed to:
Need space
Take breaks
Protect your body
Still be a deeply loving parent
If this feeling comes up often or starts affecting your mood, relationships, or daily functioning, it might help to talk it through with a therapist. You don’t have to carry it alone.
You can love deeply and still need space. Both are true. And both are okay.
How to Stay Calm When Your Kids Aren’t
Can you tell this post *might* be selfish in nature? My son just turned 4 and overwhelmingly on the whole is an AWESOME little guy. But admittedly I struggle when he struggles - when he gets frustrated or emotional, I know I get triggered and have my own reaction. In some moments, I can catch myself and work on my own regulation to show up more present for my son during his difficulty. In other moments, I am equally if not more overwhelmed than he is. In either instance, I feel the self-judgement creep in. I wanted to explore this phenomenon a bit more. Let’s dive in…
If you’re a mom too, you’ve likely had this moment: your child is melting down - crying, yelling, refusing to cooperate - and you can feel your own frustration rising fast. Your patience thins, your voice gets sharper, and suddenly you’re reacting in a way you didn’t intend.
Afterward comes the guilt: Why couldn’t I just stay calm?
Here’s the truth: staying calm when your kids aren’t isn’t about being a “perfect” mom. It’s about understanding what’s happening in your brain and body - and having tools to respond with more intention (even if it’s not perfect every time).
Why It’s So Hard to Stay Calm
When your child is dysregulated (tantrums, whining, defiance), it can trigger your own stress response. Your brain perceives chaos as a threat, and your body shifts into “fight, flight, or freeze.”
That’s why in those moments, you might:
Snap or yell
Feel overwhelmed or flooded
Want to escape the situation entirely
This isn’t because you’re failing - it’s because you’re human.
Calm Is Contagious (But So Is Stress)
Kids don’t naturally know how to regulate their emotions — they learn it from us. When we stay calm, we help their nervous system settle. When we escalate, their emotions often intensify.
This doesn’t mean you have to be perfectly calm all the time. It just means that your regulation matters.
5 Ways to Stay Calm in the Moment
1. Pause Before You React
Even a 3–5 second pause can interrupt your automatic reaction. Take a breath before responding. It creates just enough space to choose your next move instead of reacting on impulse.
2. Ground Yourself Physically
When emotions rise, come back to your body:
Press your feet into the floor
Relax your shoulders
Take a slow breath in through your nose, out through your mouth
This signals safety to your nervous system.
3. Lower the Volume (Literally)
When kids get louder, we tend to match their energy. Instead, try lowering your voice. Speaking calmly can actually help de-escalate the situation more effectively than yelling.
4. Remind Yourself: “They’re Struggling, Not Attacking Me”
It’s easy to take behavior personally. But most of the time, your child isn’t trying to give you a hard time — they’re having a hard time. This small mindset shift can soften your response.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Take a Break
If you feel like you’re about to explode, it’s okay to step away briefly (as long as your child is safe). A short reset can prevent a bigger reaction.
What If You Do Lose Your Cool?
You will. Every mom does.
What matters most isn’t perfection— it’s repair.
Go back and say:
“I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t how I want to handle things.”
“I was feeling overwhelmed, but I’m working on staying calm.”
This teaches your child something powerful: how to take responsibility and repair relationships.
The Bigger Picture
Staying calm when your kids aren’t is a skill—and like any skill, it takes practice. Some days will feel easier than others.
You’re not aiming to be a perfectly calm parent. You’re aiming to be a present, self-aware, and growing one.
And that’s more than enough.
“I Should Be Happy, But I Feel Anxious”: Understanding Mixed Emotions in Early Pregnancy
Finding out you’re pregnant is often described as one of the happiest moments in life. Many people expect to feel excitement, gratitude, and joy right away. But for some, the dominant emotion in early pregnancy is something very different: anxiety.
If you’ve caught yourself thinking, “I should be happy… so why do I feel so worried?” you are not alone. Mixed emotions in early pregnancy are far more common than people realize.
Let’s talk about why this happens and when it might help to seek support.
Why Early Pregnancy Can Bring Anxiety Instead of Joy
The first trimester is a time of enormous change physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Several factors can contribute to heightened anxiety during this time.
1. Hormonal Changes
Early pregnancy involves a rapid increase in hormones such as progesterone and estrogen. These shifts can influence mood, sleep, and emotional regulation.
For some people, hormonal changes can amplify feelings of worry, irritability, or emotional sensitivity.
2. The Uncertainty of the First Trimester
The early weeks of pregnancy can feel especially uncertain. Many people worry about miscarriage, whether the pregnancy will progress normally, or whether they are doing everything “right.”
This uncertainty can make it difficult to relax and enjoy the experience.
Common thoughts might include:
“What if something goes wrong?”
“Am I feeling the right symptoms?”
“Is the baby okay?”
Even when everything is progressing normally, these thoughts can feel overwhelming.
3. Big Life Changes Ahead
Pregnancy often brings an awareness that life is about to change in significant ways.
You might find yourself thinking about:
Your identity
Changes in your relationship
Financial responsibilities
Career decisions
The reality of caring for a newborn
Feeling both excited and scared about these changes is completely normal.
4. Past Experiences
For people who have experienced infertility, miscarriage, pregnancy loss, or a difficult previous pregnancy, early pregnancy can bring intense anxiety.
Even when things are going well, the body and mind may stay on high alert as a way of protecting against potential loss.
When Anxiety Becomes More Than Occasional Worry
Some level of worry is expected during pregnancy. However, anxiety may need additional support if it starts to feel constant or overwhelming.
Signs that anxiety may be becoming more intense include:
Constantly checking symptoms or searching online for reassurance
Difficulty sleeping due to worry
Racing or intrusive thoughts
Feeling on edge most of the day
Panic attacks or sudden waves of fear
Trouble concentrating or enjoying daily life
If you notice these patterns, you’re not “doing pregnancy wrong.” It may simply mean your nervous system needs more support.
Ways to Cope With Anxiety in Early Pregnancy
While anxiety can feel powerful, there are gentle ways to help calm your mind and body.
Limit Information Overload
Endless online searching can sometimes increase anxiety rather than relieve it. Choosing one or two trusted sources of information can help reduce overwhelm.
Focus on What Is True Today
Many anxious thoughts are about “what if.” Bringing attention back to what is known right now can be grounding.
For example:
“Today, I am pregnant and doing the best I can.”
Build a Support System
Talking openly with a partner, friend, or supportive family member can reduce the feeling of carrying worries alone.
Practice Nervous System Regulation
Techniques like slow breathing, short walks, gentle stretching, or mindfulness exercises can help calm the body when anxiety spikes.
When Therapy Can Help
Perinatal therapy can provide a supportive space to talk about fears, uncertainty, and the emotional transition into parenthood.
Many people find therapy helpful for:
Managing persistent anxiety
Processing previous pregnancy loss or trauma
Preparing emotionally for parenthood
Learning practical tools to calm anxious thoughts
Most importantly, therapy offers a place where all emotions about pregnancy are welcome, not just the happy ones.
If you’ve been thinking, “I should be happy, but I feel anxious,” it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
Pregnancy is a major life transition, and mixed emotions are a natural response to change and uncertainty.
With the right support, it’s possible to make space for both hope and worry, while finding ways to care for your mental health during this important time.
Fertility Struggles and Social Media Triggers
You open Instagram for a quick distraction. And within seconds, there it is. Another pregnancy announcement. Another gender reveal.
Your chest tightens. Your stomach drops. You feel jealous…then guilty for feeling jealous. You want to be happy for them. You are happy for them. But your heart still breaks.
And it still hurts.
If you’re navigating fertility struggles, social media can feel like an emotional minefield. You are not dramatic. You are not bitter. You are grieving.
Let’s talk about why this hits so deeply - and what may actually ease some of the pain.
Why Social Media Feels So Triggering During Fertility Struggles
When you’re trying to conceive, your nervous system is already on high alert. Every cycle carries hope, fear, and uncertainty. Social media can add exposure to triggering content - pregnancy announcements, ultrasound photos, and let’s not forget the influencer narratives that oversimplify conception (and further add to the societal pressure women already experience).
Your brain interprets each post as another reminder of what feels out of reach. And because infertility is often an invisible struggle, you’re carrying that pain quietly while scrolling through highlight reels.
That contrast can feel unbearable.
The Grief No One Sees
Fertility struggles often involve ambiguous grief - grieving something that hasn’t happened yet, but desperately matters.
You can fall into repeated cycles of: hope → waiting → disappointment → starting over, and around again.
Social media can intensify this grief because it publicly celebrates the very milestone you’re longing for.
“Why Am I So Triggered?”
Triggers are not weaknesses. They are signals.
When you feel activated by a pregnancy post, your body may be responding to:
Accumulated disappointment
Fear it won’t happen for you
Shame about your body
Comparison and perceived inadequacy
Isolation
Your nervous system is trying to protect you from pain. Understanding this can soften self-judgment.
Practical Ways to Protect Your Mental Health
You do not owe social media your emotional stability. Here are options that many people navigating infertility find helpful:
1. Mute Without Guilt
You can mute pregnancy updates - even from people you love. Protecting your mental health is not unkind.
2. Curate Your Feed
Follow accounts that:
Normalize infertility
Share honest stories
Offer emotional support
Reduce exposure to content that spikes anxiety but normalizes and validates.
3. Take Cyclical Breaks
Many people find the two-week wait or post-negative-test window especially vulnerable. Consider logging off during those times.
4. Notice the Story You’re Telling Yourself
When you see a post, ask:
What am I making this mean about me?
Is that story true?
What would a compassionate voice say instead?
5. Allow Mixed Emotions
You can feel happy for someone and devastated for yourself. Two truths can exist at once.
When Social Media Is Tapping Into Something Deeper
If scrolling consistently leaves you feeling:
Hopeless
Ashamed
Isolated
Anxious
Depressed
It may be time to get support.
Fertility struggles can activate trauma, perfectionism, relationship stress, and long-standing wounds around worthiness or control.
You don’t have to carry that alone.
Therapy can provide space to:
Process grief in a way that feels safe
Reduce anxiety during treatments or waiting periods
Strengthen your relationship during this strain
Rebuild self-trust and self-compassion
Your journey is not less valid because it’s quieter.
If social media is hurting more than helping right now, you are allowed to step back.
Your healing matters more than the algorithm.
Self-Compassion During Fertility Struggles
Fertility struggles can feel isolating, overwhelming, and, at times, deeply unfair. Many individuals and couples facing infertility carry hidden emotional burdens - shame, guilt, or self-blame - that can intensify the stress of treatments like IVF. Learning to practice self-compassion isn’t just a nice idea - it can be an essential tool for protecting your mental health during this journey.
Understanding the Emotional Weight of Infertility
It’s common to feel that something is “wrong” with you when conception doesn’t happen as expected. Society often frames parenthood as a natural milestone. And many young women - and young men, as well - are not given proper education about fertility. Women specifically are seen with such broad expectations and often made to believe that whenever they are ready to conceive, it will happen in a flash. So when fertility doesn’t follow that path, feelings of inadequacy or guilt can arise. These emotions are normal but can become harmful if left unaddressed, contributing to anxiety, depression, or strained relationships.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and patience that you would offer a close friend. Instead of harsh self-judgment, self-compassion encourages acknowledgment of your pain and struggles while providing yourself emotional support.
Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, outlines three components:
Self-Kindness – Being gentle and understanding with yourself rather than critical.
Common Humanity – Recognizing that suffering and setbacks are part of the shared human experience.
Mindfulness – Maintaining a balanced awareness of your emotions without suppressing or exaggerating them.
Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Compassion During Fertility Struggles
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, or disappointment. Journaling or speaking with a therapist can help process these emotions without judgment.Practice Gentle Self-Talk
Replace self-blaming thoughts with affirming statements, such as:“This is not my fault.”
“I am doing everything I can, and I deserve kindness.”
Connect With Others Who Understand
Joining a support group can normalize your experience and remind you that you are not alone in your struggle.Create Small Acts of Self-Care
Even simple routines - short walks or mindfulness exercises - can remind you to nurture yourself.Seek Professional Support
A maternal mental health therapist, like myself, can help you navigate the unique psychological challenges of infertility, including grief, anxiety, and self-criticism.
Reframing Shame and Guilt
Shame thrives in silence. By talking openly about your feelings, whether with a partner, therapist, or support group, you break the cycle of self-blame. Remember: struggling with fertility does not make you less worthy, less capable, or less deserving of love and happiness.
Final Thought
Infertility is not just a physical journey - it’s an emotional one. Practicing self-compassion allows you to honor your pain, reduce unnecessary guilt, and approach your fertility journey with gentleness and resilience. By treating yourself with the same care you offer others, you lay the foundation for emotional strength that will carry you through both the challenges and joys of your path to parenthood.
Reach out for a free consultation today to explore your options to receive support.
The 3 Thoughts That Keep Moms Stuck in Guilt
If you’re a mom, guilt probably feels like background noise in your life.
You feel guilty when you work.
You feel guilty when you don’t work.
You feel guilty for snapping.
You feel guilty for needing a break.
You feel guilty for not enjoying every second.
And the exhausting part? Even when you’re doing your best, the guilt doesn’t seem to go away.
Mom guilt isn’t just about what you’re doing. It’s driven by the thoughts running quietly in the background — the ones that feel true, unquestionable, and absolute.
Let’s look at three of the most common thoughts that keep moms stuck in guilt - and how to begin loosening their grip.
1. “A Good Mom Wouldn’t Feel This Way.”
This thought shows up after you yell.
After you fantasize about being alone in a hotel room.
After you feel bored, resentful, overstimulated, or touched out.
You think:
If I were a better mom, I wouldn’t feel this.
Here’s the truth: Feelings are not character flaws.
Motherhood is emotionally intense. It’s repetitive, overstimulating, sleep-depriving, and relentless at times. Of course you’re going to feel frustrated. Of course you’re going to feel overwhelmed. Of course there will be moments you don’t enjoy.
The belief that “good moms” are endlessly patient, grateful, and fulfilled is unrealistic — and damaging.
When you believe this thought:
You judge your emotions.
You suppress what you’re feeling.
You spiral into shame.
Instead, try this shift:
New thought: “Hard feelings don’t make me a bad mom. They make me a human one.”
You are allowed to love your kids deeply and struggle with motherhood at the same time. Those two things can coexist.
2. “I Should Be Able to Handle This.”
This one hits especially hard for high-functioning, capable moms.
You manage schedules.
You juggle work and home.
You keep everyone alive and fed.
So when you feel like you’re drowning, your brain says:
Other moms do this. Why can’t I? I should be able to handle this.
This thought fuels guilt because it turns overwhelm into a personal failure.
But here’s what’s often happening:
You’re carrying the invisible mental load.
You’re overstimulated from constant noise and touch.
You haven’t had real rest in months (or years).
You’re meeting everyone’s needs except your own.
Of course it feels like too much. It is too much for one nervous system to hold alone.
The “I should be able to handle this” narrative ignores context. It ignores support. It ignores capacity.
Try this shift:
New thought: “Struggling doesn’t mean I’m incapable. It means I need support.”
Needing help is not weakness. It’s regulation. It’s sustainability. It’s wisdom.
You were never meant to do this in isolation.
3. “If I Take Care of Myself, I’m Being Selfish.”
This belief keeps moms trapped in burnout.
You feel guilty for:
Going to therapy.
Exercising.
Locking the bathroom door.
Asking your partner to take over.
Spending money on yourself.
Saying no.
Somewhere along the way, many moms internalize the idea that good motherhood equals self-sacrifice.
But here’s what happens when you abandon yourself:
You become resentful.
You snap more easily.
You feel depleted.
You lose your sense of identity.
You operate in survival mode.
Self-neglect isn’t noble. It’s unsustainable.
When your nervous system is constantly fried, your capacity for patience, connection, and joy shrinks. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish — it directly impacts how you show up.
Try this shift:
New thought: “Taking care of myself helps me show up as the mom I want to be.”
Regulated moms raise secure kids.
Rested moms respond instead of react.
Supported moms don’t have to white-knuckle their days.
You are part of the family system too.
Why These Thoughts Stick
These guilt-driven thoughts don’t come out of nowhere. They’re shaped by:
Social media highlight reels.
Generational expectations.
Cultural pressure to “do it all.”
Comparison to other moms.
Your own childhood experiences.
Over time, they become automatic. They feel factual.
But thoughts are not facts.
They’re interpretations. And interpretations can be gently challenged.
How to Start Breaking the Guilt Cycle
You don’t have to eliminate mom guilt overnight. Start with awareness.
1. Name the Thought
Instead of saying, “I’m a bad mom,” try:
“I’m having the thought that I’m a bad mom.”
That small shift creates space.
2. Check for Extremes
Is there “always,” “never,” “should,” or “good mom/bad mom” language? Those are signs guilt is talking.
3. Ask: What Would I Say to a Friend?
You would never tell another mom she’s selfish for needing a break. Offer yourself the same compassion.
4. Regulate Before You Evaluate
When you’re exhausted or overstimulated, your thoughts will skew negative. Tend to your body first — water, food, quiet, movement — then reassess.
A Final Reminder…
Guilt often shows up because you care deeply.
But caring doesn’t require constant self-criticism.
You can:
Make mistakes and repair.
Need breaks and still be devoted.
Feel overwhelmed and still be a good mom.
If guilt feels constant, heavy, or tied to anxiety, rage, or burnout, it might be more than “just mom guilt.” Therapy can help you untangle the beliefs underneath and build a more compassionate internal voice.
Motherhood is hard enough.
You don’t need to be your own harshest critic on top of it.
Stay-at-Home Moms and Loneliness: When You Want Connection but Don’t Know Where to Start
No one tells you that staying home with your child can feel this lonely.
You’re rarely alone, yet you can go days without a real adult conversation. You spend your time caring, soothing, feeding, and responding—yet still feel unseen. And when you notice the loneliness, it can come with guilt: Shouldn’t I feel grateful? Isn’t this what I wanted?
If you’re a stay-at-home mom feeling disconnected, unsure how to make new friends, or missing the ease of adult relationships from before motherhood, you are not failing. You’re navigating a huge life transition that reshapes how connection works.
Why Loneliness Is So Common for Stay-at-Home Moms
Loneliness in motherhood isn’t just about a lack of people—it’s about a lack of mutuality.
Before kids, connection often came built into daily life: coworkers, casual conversations, shared routines, spontaneous plans. New motherhood removes many of those structures overnight. Your days become centered around your child’s needs, while your own emotional needs move quietly into the background.
Add in factors like:
Exhaustion and unpredictable schedules
Limited childcare or time alone
Anxiety about being “too much” or “not enough”
Comparing yourself to other moms who seem more confident or connected
…and it makes sense that reaching out feels daunting.
Many stay-at-home moms tell me they want connection, but feel frozen by questions like:
How do adults even make friends anymore?
What if I try and it’s awkward?
What if I don’t fit in with other moms?
What if I’m rejected when I already feel vulnerable?
This uncertainty is incredibly common—and deeply human.
The Unique Vulnerability of Making Friends in New Motherhood
Making friends as an adult is already challenging. Doing it while sleep-deprived, emotionally stretched, and still figuring out who you are as a mother adds another layer.
New motherhood can bring:
A shaken sense of identity
Heightened sensitivity to rejection
Less energy for social effort
A longing to be understood without having to explain yourself
So if mom groups feel intimidating, playdates feel forced, or small talk feels draining, that doesn’t mean you’re bad at friendship. It means you’re in a season where depth matters more—and where surface-level connection may not feel nourishing.
Redefining What “Connection” Can Look Like Right Now
One gentle shift that can help is expanding the definition of connection.
Connection doesn’t have to mean:
Finding a best friend immediately
Joining a group and suddenly feeling like you belong
Showing up confidently and socially polished
Instead, connection in this season might look like:
Brief but kind exchanges with another mom at the park
Sending a message instead of committing to a meetup
One honest conversation instead of frequent contact
Feeling emotionally safe, even if the relationship is new
Small, low-pressure moments count. They build familiarity and trust over time.
Gentle Ways to Explore Connection Without Overwhelming Yourself
If you’re craving connection but unsure where to begin, consider approaches that meet you where you are:
Start with proximity. Moms you already see—neighbors, daycare pickup parents, library story time—can feel less intimidating than brand-new spaces.
Normalize awkwardness. Most moms are also hoping someone else will make the first move.
Focus on shared experience, not performance. You don’t need to be interesting or impressive—just real.
Try parallel connection. Walks with strollers, kids playing side by side, or texting between naps can feel safer than face-to-face intensity.
Allow friendships to be imperfect. Not every connection needs to become long-term to be meaningful.
When Loneliness Feels Heavy
Sometimes loneliness in motherhood taps into deeper wounds—feeling left out, unseen, or emotionally unsupported long before becoming a mom. If the loneliness feels overwhelming, persistent, or tied to anxiety or low mood, it may be a sign that extra support could help.
Therapy can be a place to:
Process grief over lost friendships or identity shifts
Explore fears around rejection or belonging
Practice reaching for connection with more self-compassion
Feel understood without having to minimize your experience
You deserve support, too—not just the people you care for.
You’re Not Behind
If you’re a stay-at-home mom wondering why connection feels so hard, please know this: you are not late, broken, or doing motherhood wrong.
You’re adapting to a season that asks a lot and gives connection in quieter, slower ways. Friendship may look different now—but different doesn’t mean impossible.
You’re allowed to want more connection. And you don’t have to figure it out all at once.
What Moms Actually Talk About in Therapy
Many moms hesitate to start therapy because they’re not sure what they would even say.
They wonder:
“Do I need a crisis to go to therapy?”
“What if my problems aren’t ‘bad enough’?”
“What do moms even talk about in therapy?”
If you’ve had these thoughts, you’re not alone. And the short answer is: moms talk about real life - the parts that feel heavy, confusing, overwhelming, or hard to say out loud anywhere else.
Here’s a glimpse into what often comes up in the therapy room.
Feeling Like You’ve Lost Yourself
One of the most common things moms talk about is the quiet grief of losing who they were before motherhood.
You might love your kids deeply and miss your independence, your career, your body, your energy, or your sense of self. Therapy gives moms permission to say:
“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“I miss my old life.”
“I feel invisible.”
These feelings don’t make you ungrateful—they make you human.
Guilt, Shame, and the Fear of Not Being a “Good Mom”
Mom guilt shows up constantly in therapy.
Guilt about working.
Guilt about not working.
Guilt about losing patience.
Guilt about wanting time alone.
Many moms carry an internal voice telling them they’re falling short. Therapy helps unpack where those expectations came from and gently challenge the idea that you have to be perfect to be a good mom.
Overwhelm, Anxiety, and Mental Load
Moms often talk about how tired they are—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
In therapy, moms share:
Racing thoughts they can’t shut off
Constant worry about their kids
Feeling responsible for everything and everyone
Never fully being “off”
Therapy isn’t about telling you to “just relax.” It’s about helping your nervous system recover from being in survival mode for too long.
Anger, Irritability, and Short Fuses
This one surprises a lot of moms.
Many feel ashamed of how angry or reactive they’ve become, especially if they weren’t like this before kids. Therapy offers a judgment-free space to explore:
Why patience feels so thin
How exhaustion fuels anger
What’s underneath the irritability (often unmet needs)
You’re not broken - your system is overwhelmed.
Relationship Struggles
Motherhood changes relationships, and moms talk about that a lot.
Common themes include:
Feeling disconnected from a partner
Resentment about unequal mental load
Loneliness, even in a relationship
Difficulty asking for help or setting boundaries
Therapy helps moms understand these dynamics and find ways to communicate more honestly and compassionately.
“Is This Normal?”
Perhaps the most frequent question moms ask in therapy is simply:
“Is this normal?”
They want reassurance that they’re not failing, that they’re not alone, and that what they’re experiencing makes sense given everything they’re carrying.
Often, the answer is yes - it is common. And it’s also something you deserve support with.
You Don’t Have to Have the Right Words
One important thing to know: you don’t need a perfectly formed explanation to start therapy.
You can say:
“I don’t know where to start.”
“I just feel off.”
“I’m overwhelmed and don’t know why.”
That’s enough. Therapy meets you where you are.
Therapy Is a Space Just for You
In a world where moms are constantly giving, therapy is a place where you get to be held, heard, and supported.
You don’t have to be in crisis.
You don’t have to justify your feelings.
You don’t have to do this alone.
If you’ve been wondering whether therapy could help, your curiosity might already be your answer.
Send an inquiry email and we can start the process of what YOU will talk about in therapy.
Parenting in the Winter: When Getting Out Feels Necessary - and Terrifying
Winter with a newborn can feel especially isolating.
You may desperately want to get out of the house - to feel human again, to break up long days, to support your mental health - while also feeling deeply anxious about exposing your baby to the cold, germs, or illness. These competing needs can create a constant internal tug-of-war: I need to leave versus I need to protect my baby.
For many new parents, winter intensifies an already vulnerable season of life.
The Pressure to Stay In - and the Cost of Isolation
New motherhood often comes with long stretches at home, disrupted sleep, and major identity shifts. In winter, these experiences can be amplified by shorter days, colder weather, and fewer casual opportunities for connection.
Many new moms share worries like:
Is it safe to take my newborn outside in the cold?
What if they get sick because I went to the store or a coffee shop?
Am I being irresponsible for wanting to leave the house?
Over time, these concerns can lead to avoiding outings altogether - even when staying inside begins to negatively impact mental health.
Isolation doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like days blending together, increased anxiety, low mood, or feeling trapped between responsibility and exhaustion. For some, this can contribute to postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety.
Newborns, Germs, and the Mental Load of Vigilance
It’s understandable to be cautious. Newborns are vulnerable, and winter is often associated with increased illness. But constant vigilance - mentally scanning for risks, replaying “what if” scenarios, or feeling guilt for wanting fresh air - can be emotionally draining.
Anxiety thrives on uncertainty, and winter parenting offers plenty of it.
When anxiety is high, even small decisions (a short walk, a quick errand) can feel overwhelming. You might notice:
Avoidance of activities you once enjoyed
Increased fear or intrusive thoughts about illness
Guilt or self-judgment for needing a break
Feeling “on edge” when outside the home
These experiences are common - and they don’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
Getting Out Safely (and Gently)
Supporting your mental health doesn’t mean ignoring safety. It often means finding middle ground - ways to step outside your home while honoring your values and comfort level.
Some parents find it helpful to:
Take brief outdoor walks when weather allows, even if bundled up
Choose lower-risk outings (quiet stores, off-peak hours, outdoor spaces)
Babywear to limit touch and increase a sense of closeness
Set realistic expectations: short outings count
Give yourself permission to turn around if it feels like too much
There is no “right” amount of leaving the house. What matters is noticing how staying in - or getting out—affects you.
When Mental Health Needs Support
If winter isolation is contributing to persistent sadness, anxiety, irritability, or fear that feels hard to manage, support can help.
Perinatal therapy offers a space to:
Talk openly about fears without judgment
Learn tools to manage anxiety and intrusive thoughts
Explore how isolation and identity shifts are impacting you
Find balance between protection and self-care
Feel less alone in an experience many parents silently carry
You don’t need to wait until things feel unbearable. Wanting support is enough.
A Gentle Reminder
Your need for connection, fresh air, and movement matters. Your desire to protect your baby matters too. These truths can coexist.
Winter parenting with a newborn is not meant to be navigated perfectly - only compassionately. And you deserve care during this season, just as much as your baby does.
If you’re struggling, you’re not weak. You’re a new parent in a very real, very demanding season.
A New Year Check-In: Questions Every Mother Deserves to Ask Herself
The start of a new year often arrives with a quiet (or not-so-quiet) message: Do more. Be better. Fix yourself.
For many mothers, that message can feel heavy - especially after a year of giving, surviving, adjusting, and holding so much for others.
This year, instead of resolutions, consider a check-in. Not an evaluation. Not a list of things to change. Just a moment to notice where you are and what you need.
You deserve that pause.
1. How am I really feeling—physically, emotionally, mentally?
Not how you should feel. Not how you think others expect you to feel. Just… honestly.
Exhausted? Numb? Hopeful? Overwhelmed? Somewhere in between?
Naming your experience is not complaining — it’s awareness.
2. What has been hardest for me lately?
Motherhood often teaches us to minimize our struggles. This question invites you to acknowledge them without judgment.
Hard doesn’t mean failure. Hard means human.
3. What has helped me get through the last few months?
This might be something big, like therapy or support from a loved one—or something small, like a quiet cup of tea or a deep breath in the car.
You’ve already been coping, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
4. Where am I carrying more than I should?
Many mothers carry emotional labor that goes unseen: worries, planning, remembering, anticipating everyone else’s needs.
If something feels too heavy, it may be because it is too heavy to carry alone.
5. What do I need more of right now?
More rest? More reassurance? More help? More space?
Needs can change with seasons of motherhood, and honoring them is a strength — not a weakness.
6. What can I gently let go of this year?
This might be guilt, comparison, unrealistic expectations, or the pressure to “bounce back.”
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up — it means making room to breathe.
7. Who can I reach out to if things feel harder?
Support doesn’t have to be dramatic or urgent to matter. A friend, a partner, a healthcare provider, a support group — connection is a protective factor for maternal mental health.
8. What would kindness toward myself look like today?
Not for the whole year. Not forever. Just today.
Sometimes kindness is rest. Sometimes it’s asking for help. Sometimes it’s simply saying, “I’m doing the best I can.”
Let all of this serve as a gentle reminder….
You do not need a new version of yourself this year.
You are allowed to move slowly. You are allowed to still be healing. You are allowed to need support.
If this check-in brings up feelings you weren’t expecting, you’re not alone — and help is available. Maternal mental health matters every day of the year, including the quiet, uncertain ones.
This year doesn’t have to be about becoming more.
It can be about being held, supported, and seen.
What You Survived Last Year Matters More Than What You Achieved
As the new year begins, it’s hard to escape the messages telling us to reflect on what we accomplished—the goals we met, the milestones we hit, the boxes we checked.
But if you’re a mother, especially one who has been pregnant, postpartum, grieving, healing, or simply surviving, I want to gently offer a different truth:
What you survived last year matters more than what you achieved.
Survival Is Not Failure
Many mothers enter the new year feeling behind.
Behind on goals.
Behind on careers.
Behind on who they thought they’d be by now.
But survival often doesn’t look productive on the outside. It looks like getting through days on little sleep. It looks like holding yourself together during anxiety spirals. It looks like loving your child while silently struggling. It looks like showing up when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or unsure.
If last year asked you to survive more than thrive, that does not mean you failed.
It means something hard happened — and you kept going.
The Invisible Things You Carried
You may not have:
Launched the project
Lost the weight
“Bounced back”
Felt like yourself again
But maybe you:
Survived pregnancy complications
Navigated postpartum anxiety or depression
Grieved a loss no one else could see
Adjusted to a body and identity that changed
Learned how to keep going on days you wanted to stop
Those things count. DEEPLY.
Motherhood Redefines Strength
So much of maternal strength is quiet and unseen.
It’s regulating your emotions when your nervous system is overwhelmed.
It’s caring for others while learning how to care for yourself.
It’s surviving seasons where rest felt impossible and support felt limited.
In therapy, I often remind mothers that resilience isn’t about pushing harder — it’s about staying present through what’s hard.
If you’re still here, still trying, still loving in the midst of uncertainty, that matters more than any achievement list.
You Don’t Owe the New Year a New You
You don’t need to transform, optimize, or reinvent yourself to be worthy of this year.
You don’t need big goals to justify your existence.
You don’t need productivity to prove your value.
You don’t need to “do more” to be enough.
If this year is about healing, resting, or simply catching your breath — that is not settling.
That is listening.
A Gentler Way Forward
Instead of asking:
What should I accomplish this year?
You might ask:
What do I need more of?
What am I still healing from?
What helped me survive last year?
What deserves compassion instead of pressure?
There is no timeline for recovery.
There is no deadline for feeling better.
There is no prize for rushing your healing.
As You Step Into This Year
If no one has told you this yet, let me say it clearly:
You are not behind.
You are not broken.
You are not weak for needing time.
What you survived last year matters.
And it is enough.
Fill Mom’s Stocking: The Importance of Appreciation
One of my best friends sent me a CNN article (LINK) related to motherhood and the holidays - specifically the unfortunate trend of empty mom stockings on Christmas morning.
The Empty Stocking Isn’t Empty — It’s Telling a Story
Every year around the holidays, a familiar image resurfaces online: a mom holding an empty stocking. Sometimes it’s shared with humor, sometimes with quiet sadness, and often with the caption, “This is the mom stocking.”
The “empty mom stocking” trend resonates because it reflects a reality many families don’t intend—but still create. Moms spend weeks thinking about everyone else: the gifts, the meals, the traditions, the memories. Somehow, in the middle of making the holidays magical, mom becomes invisible.
And while most moms aren’t asking for expensive gifts or grand gestures, the lack of acknowledgment can still sting.
Why Moms So Often Go Unnoticed
For many families, moms are the default planners, shoppers, wrappers, bakers, and emotional anchors of the season. Their work is constant and often behind the scenes. Because it’s expected, it’s easy to overlook.
The empty stocking isn’t really about presents — it’s about appreciation.
It’s about feeling seen for the mental load, the effort, and the love poured out day after day, not just during the holidays but all year long.
The Power of Small Acts
The good news? Making a mom feel appreciated doesn’t require a big budget or a perfectly wrapped gift.
Sometimes, the smallest gestures speak the loudest:
A handwritten note that simply says, “Thank you for everything you do.”
A favorite snack tucked into her stocking.
Taking over a task she usually handles without being asked.
Saying out loud, in front of others, “Mom made this holiday happen.”
A quiet moment of acknowledgment when the house finally settles.
These acts may seem small, but they communicate something powerful: You matter. I see you.
Gratitude Shouldn’t Be Seasonal
The holidays tend to magnify what’s already there — both the love and the gaps. While Christmas morning is a meaningful moment to show appreciation, moms deserve recognition far beyond one day in December.
Gratitude can look like shared responsibility, regular check-ins, and appreciation woven into everyday life. When kids learn to notice and thank the people who care for them, those lessons last far longer than any holiday tradition.
Filling the Stocking — and the Heart
An empty stocking doesn’t mean a mom is ungrateful. It means she’s human.
This holiday season, let’s shift the focus just a little. Let’s notice the moms who make the magic and remind them—through words, actions, and presence—that their efforts matter.
Because sometimes, all it takes to fill a stocking…
is a sincere “thank you.”
Holiday Traditions Are Optional: Permission to Do Less
Every year, as the holidays approach, many mothers feel a familiar tightening in their chest.
There’s the list of traditions we’re “supposed” to keep: the matching pajamas, the elaborate meals, the perfectly timed memories, the magic we’re expected to create—often while holding everything else together. Somewhere along the way, the holidays stopped feeling like something we experience and started feeling like something we perform.
If that’s you, let this be your permission slip:
Holiday traditions are optional. You are allowed to do less.
Traditions are meant to bring comfort, connection, and joy. But for many mothers—especially those navigating anxiety, depression, postpartum changes, grief, or burnout—traditions can quietly turn into pressure.
You may notice:
A sense of dread instead of excitement
Feeling emotionally or physically depleted before the holidays even begin
Guilt for not having the energy to “make it magical”
Comparing your capacity to other families or what you see online
None of this means you’re failing. It means you’re human.
Mental health matters, even during the holidays — especially during the holidays.
You Are Not the Keeper of All the Magic
Many mothers carry the invisible belief that it’s their responsibility to make the holidays special for everyone else. That belief can be heavy.
But here’s the truth:
You do not have to sacrifice your well-being to create meaningful moments.
Children don’t need a perfectly executed holiday. They need a regulated, present caregiver. They need safety, warmth, and authenticity far more than they need elaborate traditions.
A calm, emotionally available parent is more impactful than any checklist of holiday activities.
Doing Less Is Not Giving Up
Doing less doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It means you are honoring your capacity.
Maybe this year, “doing less” looks like:
Skipping traditions that leave you exhausted
Choosing one meaningful activity instead of five
Ordering food instead of cooking everything from scratch
Letting go of expectations that no longer fit your season of life
Saying no without over-explaining
Rest is not laziness. Boundaries are not selfish. Simplifying is not failure.
Traditions Can Change — and That’s Okay
Traditions are allowed to evolve as families grow, circumstances shift, and mental health needs change.
You can pause a tradition.
You can modify it.
You can let it go completely.
And you can always return to it later—when your nervous system has more space.
Traditions don’t define your love. Your presence does.
If This Season Feels Heavy
If the holidays bring up grief, anxiety, depression, or emotional overload, please know you’re not alone. Many mothers struggle silently during what’s supposed to be the “happiest time of year.”
It’s okay to:
Feel disconnected from holiday cheer
Need extra support
Ask for help
Choose rest over rituals
You deserve care, too.
A Gentle Reminder
You are allowed to meet the holidays exactly where you are.
You are allowed to choose simplicity.
You are allowed to protect your mental health.
You are allowed to do less — and still be a good mother.
This season doesn’t need perfection.
It needs you — whole, supported, and well.
Attachment Styles and Their Impact on New Motherhood
Becoming a mother often stirs emotions you expected - joy, love, excitement - but it can also bring up feelings you didn’t anticipate: fear, insecurity, overwhelm, or even a sense of disconnection. What many new mothers don’t realize is that these emotional responses can be deeply connected to something formed long before they ever became parents: their attachment style.
Understanding your attachment patterns isn’t about blaming yourself or your past. Instead, it’s about developing self-awareness and compassion so you can build the kind of relationship you want with your baby—and with yourself.
Attachment styles are patterns of relating that begin in early childhood based on how our caregivers responded to our emotional needs. These patterns often continue into adulthood, showing up in romantic relationships, friendships, and yes—parenting.
The four primary attachment styles are:
Secure
Anxious
Avoidant
Disorganized
Each style comes with its own emotional blueprint that can influence how you feel and respond during the transition into motherhood.
Secure Attachment: “I Can Trust Myself and Others”
Mothers with a secure attachment style tend to:
Feel confident responding to their baby’s cries.
Trust their instincts.
Reach out for help without shame.
Find it easier to bond and attune to their baby.
This doesn’t mean secure mothers don’t struggle - they absolutely do. But they often have an internal sense of, “I can figure this out, and I’m not alone.”
Anxious Attachment: “Am I Good Enough?”
Mothers with an anxious attachment style may:
Worry constantly about whether they are doing things “right.”
Feel intense fear of making mistakes.
Seek reassurance from others but rarely feel soothed for long.
Experience heightened mom guilt.
Motherhood can amplify the fear of not being enough. These moms often benefit from therapy that helps them build internal validation and trust in their own capacity.
You might resonate with anxious attachment if:
You find yourself Googling every behavior your baby has, feeling panicked when routines change, or worrying that your baby prefers someone else.
Avoidant Attachment: “I Have to Handle Everything on My Own”
Mothers with an avoidant attachment style may:
Feel uncomfortable with the constant closeness a baby requires.
Prefer independence and feel overwhelmed by their baby’s needs.
Struggle to ask for help.
Appear calm on the outside while feeling disconnected or stressed inside.
Avoidant attachment doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby. It means your system learned early on that self-reliance felt safer than vulnerability. Motherhood can invite these moms into a new experience of closeness - sometimes tender, sometimes challenging.
Disorganized Attachment: “I Want Closeness, But I’m Afraid of It”
Mothers with a disorganized attachment style may:
Feel pulled between wanting closeness and feeling triggered by it.
Experience intense emotional swings.
Feel overwhelmed by their baby’s dependency.
Notice old trauma responses resurfacing.
This style often develops from inconsistent or frightening caregiving in childhood. For new mothers, this can make bonding feel confusing or scary. With compassionate therapeutic support, healing is absolutely possible.
Why Attachment Style Matters in Motherhood
Your attachment style influences:
How you respond to your baby’s emotional needs
How you interpret your baby’s cries or fussiness
How comfortable you feel seeking support
Your expectations of yourself as a mother
The level of self-criticism or self-compassion you bring to parenting
But here’s the most important part: attachment styles are not fixed. They’re patterns - not destiny.
You can move toward secure attachment at any stage of life, including after becoming a parent.
Rewriting Your Story: Moving Toward Secure Attachment
If you notice old patterns showing up, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re healing.
Here are supportive steps toward greater security:
Tune into your needs as much as your baby’s.
Practice self-compassion—you’re learning something brand new.
Reflect instead of judging when big feelings arise.
Seek support from your partner, friends, or a maternal mental health therapist.
Learn emotional regulation skills that help your nervous system settle.
Every time you respond to your baby with warmth - even if imperfectly - you’re creating secure attachment for them and slowly reshaping it for yourself.
Motherhood brings up old wounds and old wisdom. If attachment patterns from your past are affecting your present experience, working with a therapist trained in maternal mental health can offer grounding, clarity, and healing.
You deserve support as you navigate this new chapter. Reach out today!