“I Should Be Happy, But I Feel Anxious”: Understanding Mixed Emotions in Early Pregnancy
Finding out you’re pregnant is often described as one of the happiest moments in life. Many people expect to feel excitement, gratitude, and joy right away. But for some, the dominant emotion in early pregnancy is something very different: anxiety.
If you’ve caught yourself thinking, “I should be happy… so why do I feel so worried?” you are not alone. Mixed emotions in early pregnancy are far more common than people realize.
Let’s talk about why this happens and when it might help to seek support.
Why Early Pregnancy Can Bring Anxiety Instead of Joy
The first trimester is a time of enormous change physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Several factors can contribute to heightened anxiety during this time.
1. Hormonal Changes
Early pregnancy involves a rapid increase in hormones such as progesterone and estrogen. These shifts can influence mood, sleep, and emotional regulation.
For some people, hormonal changes can amplify feelings of worry, irritability, or emotional sensitivity.
2. The Uncertainty of the First Trimester
The early weeks of pregnancy can feel especially uncertain. Many people worry about miscarriage, whether the pregnancy will progress normally, or whether they are doing everything “right.”
This uncertainty can make it difficult to relax and enjoy the experience.
Common thoughts might include:
“What if something goes wrong?”
“Am I feeling the right symptoms?”
“Is the baby okay?”
Even when everything is progressing normally, these thoughts can feel overwhelming.
3. Big Life Changes Ahead
Pregnancy often brings an awareness that life is about to change in significant ways.
You might find yourself thinking about:
Your identity
Changes in your relationship
Financial responsibilities
Career decisions
The reality of caring for a newborn
Feeling both excited and scared about these changes is completely normal.
4. Past Experiences
For people who have experienced infertility, miscarriage, pregnancy loss, or a difficult previous pregnancy, early pregnancy can bring intense anxiety.
Even when things are going well, the body and mind may stay on high alert as a way of protecting against potential loss.
When Anxiety Becomes More Than Occasional Worry
Some level of worry is expected during pregnancy. However, anxiety may need additional support if it starts to feel constant or overwhelming.
Signs that anxiety may be becoming more intense include:
Constantly checking symptoms or searching online for reassurance
Difficulty sleeping due to worry
Racing or intrusive thoughts
Feeling on edge most of the day
Panic attacks or sudden waves of fear
Trouble concentrating or enjoying daily life
If you notice these patterns, you’re not “doing pregnancy wrong.” It may simply mean your nervous system needs more support.
Ways to Cope With Anxiety in Early Pregnancy
While anxiety can feel powerful, there are gentle ways to help calm your mind and body.
Limit Information Overload
Endless online searching can sometimes increase anxiety rather than relieve it. Choosing one or two trusted sources of information can help reduce overwhelm.
Focus on What Is True Today
Many anxious thoughts are about “what if.” Bringing attention back to what is known right now can be grounding.
For example:
“Today, I am pregnant and doing the best I can.”
Build a Support System
Talking openly with a partner, friend, or supportive family member can reduce the feeling of carrying worries alone.
Practice Nervous System Regulation
Techniques like slow breathing, short walks, gentle stretching, or mindfulness exercises can help calm the body when anxiety spikes.
When Therapy Can Help
Perinatal therapy can provide a supportive space to talk about fears, uncertainty, and the emotional transition into parenthood.
Many people find therapy helpful for:
Managing persistent anxiety
Processing previous pregnancy loss or trauma
Preparing emotionally for parenthood
Learning practical tools to calm anxious thoughts
Most importantly, therapy offers a place where all emotions about pregnancy are welcome, not just the happy ones.
If you’ve been thinking, “I should be happy, but I feel anxious,” it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
Pregnancy is a major life transition, and mixed emotions are a natural response to change and uncertainty.
With the right support, it’s possible to make space for both hope and worry, while finding ways to care for your mental health during this important time.
Fertility Struggles and Social Media Triggers
You open Instagram for a quick distraction. And within seconds, there it is. Another pregnancy announcement. Another gender reveal.
Your chest tightens. Your stomach drops. You feel jealous…then guilty for feeling jealous. You want to be happy for them. You are happy for them. But your heart still breaks.
And it still hurts.
If you’re navigating fertility struggles, social media can feel like an emotional minefield. You are not dramatic. You are not bitter. You are grieving.
Let’s talk about why this hits so deeply - and what may actually ease some of the pain.
Why Social Media Feels So Triggering During Fertility Struggles
When you’re trying to conceive, your nervous system is already on high alert. Every cycle carries hope, fear, and uncertainty. Social media can add exposure to triggering content - pregnancy announcements, ultrasound photos, and let’s not forget the influencer narratives that oversimplify conception (and further add to the societal pressure women already experience).
Your brain interprets each post as another reminder of what feels out of reach. And because infertility is often an invisible struggle, you’re carrying that pain quietly while scrolling through highlight reels.
That contrast can feel unbearable.
The Grief No One Sees
Fertility struggles often involve ambiguous grief - grieving something that hasn’t happened yet, but desperately matters.
You can fall into repeated cycles of: hope → waiting → disappointment → starting over, and around again.
Social media can intensify this grief because it publicly celebrates the very milestone you’re longing for.
“Why Am I So Triggered?”
Triggers are not weaknesses. They are signals.
When you feel activated by a pregnancy post, your body may be responding to:
Accumulated disappointment
Fear it won’t happen for you
Shame about your body
Comparison and perceived inadequacy
Isolation
Your nervous system is trying to protect you from pain. Understanding this can soften self-judgment.
Practical Ways to Protect Your Mental Health
You do not owe social media your emotional stability. Here are options that many people navigating infertility find helpful:
1. Mute Without Guilt
You can mute pregnancy updates - even from people you love. Protecting your mental health is not unkind.
2. Curate Your Feed
Follow accounts that:
Normalize infertility
Share honest stories
Offer emotional support
Reduce exposure to content that spikes anxiety but normalizes and validates.
3. Take Cyclical Breaks
Many people find the two-week wait or post-negative-test window especially vulnerable. Consider logging off during those times.
4. Notice the Story You’re Telling Yourself
When you see a post, ask:
What am I making this mean about me?
Is that story true?
What would a compassionate voice say instead?
5. Allow Mixed Emotions
You can feel happy for someone and devastated for yourself. Two truths can exist at once.
When Social Media Is Tapping Into Something Deeper
If scrolling consistently leaves you feeling:
Hopeless
Ashamed
Isolated
Anxious
Depressed
It may be time to get support.
Fertility struggles can activate trauma, perfectionism, relationship stress, and long-standing wounds around worthiness or control.
You don’t have to carry that alone.
Therapy can provide space to:
Process grief in a way that feels safe
Reduce anxiety during treatments or waiting periods
Strengthen your relationship during this strain
Rebuild self-trust and self-compassion
Your journey is not less valid because it’s quieter.
If social media is hurting more than helping right now, you are allowed to step back.
Your healing matters more than the algorithm.
Self-Compassion During Fertility Struggles
Fertility struggles can feel isolating, overwhelming, and, at times, deeply unfair. Many individuals and couples facing infertility carry hidden emotional burdens - shame, guilt, or self-blame - that can intensify the stress of treatments like IVF. Learning to practice self-compassion isn’t just a nice idea - it can be an essential tool for protecting your mental health during this journey.
Understanding the Emotional Weight of Infertility
It’s common to feel that something is “wrong” with you when conception doesn’t happen as expected. Society often frames parenthood as a natural milestone. And many young women - and young men, as well - are not given proper education about fertility. Women specifically are seen with such broad expectations and often made to believe that whenever they are ready to conceive, it will happen in a flash. So when fertility doesn’t follow that path, feelings of inadequacy or guilt can arise. These emotions are normal but can become harmful if left unaddressed, contributing to anxiety, depression, or strained relationships.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and patience that you would offer a close friend. Instead of harsh self-judgment, self-compassion encourages acknowledgment of your pain and struggles while providing yourself emotional support.
Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, outlines three components:
Self-Kindness – Being gentle and understanding with yourself rather than critical.
Common Humanity – Recognizing that suffering and setbacks are part of the shared human experience.
Mindfulness – Maintaining a balanced awareness of your emotions without suppressing or exaggerating them.
Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Compassion During Fertility Struggles
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, or disappointment. Journaling or speaking with a therapist can help process these emotions without judgment.Practice Gentle Self-Talk
Replace self-blaming thoughts with affirming statements, such as:“This is not my fault.”
“I am doing everything I can, and I deserve kindness.”
Connect With Others Who Understand
Joining a support group can normalize your experience and remind you that you are not alone in your struggle.Create Small Acts of Self-Care
Even simple routines - short walks or mindfulness exercises - can remind you to nurture yourself.Seek Professional Support
A maternal mental health therapist, like myself, can help you navigate the unique psychological challenges of infertility, including grief, anxiety, and self-criticism.
Reframing Shame and Guilt
Shame thrives in silence. By talking openly about your feelings, whether with a partner, therapist, or support group, you break the cycle of self-blame. Remember: struggling with fertility does not make you less worthy, less capable, or less deserving of love and happiness.
Final Thought
Infertility is not just a physical journey - it’s an emotional one. Practicing self-compassion allows you to honor your pain, reduce unnecessary guilt, and approach your fertility journey with gentleness and resilience. By treating yourself with the same care you offer others, you lay the foundation for emotional strength that will carry you through both the challenges and joys of your path to parenthood.
Reach out for a free consultation today to explore your options to receive support.
The 3 Thoughts That Keep Moms Stuck in Guilt
If you’re a mom, guilt probably feels like background noise in your life.
You feel guilty when you work.
You feel guilty when you don’t work.
You feel guilty for snapping.
You feel guilty for needing a break.
You feel guilty for not enjoying every second.
And the exhausting part? Even when you’re doing your best, the guilt doesn’t seem to go away.
Mom guilt isn’t just about what you’re doing. It’s driven by the thoughts running quietly in the background — the ones that feel true, unquestionable, and absolute.
Let’s look at three of the most common thoughts that keep moms stuck in guilt - and how to begin loosening their grip.
1. “A Good Mom Wouldn’t Feel This Way.”
This thought shows up after you yell.
After you fantasize about being alone in a hotel room.
After you feel bored, resentful, overstimulated, or touched out.
You think:
If I were a better mom, I wouldn’t feel this.
Here’s the truth: Feelings are not character flaws.
Motherhood is emotionally intense. It’s repetitive, overstimulating, sleep-depriving, and relentless at times. Of course you’re going to feel frustrated. Of course you’re going to feel overwhelmed. Of course there will be moments you don’t enjoy.
The belief that “good moms” are endlessly patient, grateful, and fulfilled is unrealistic — and damaging.
When you believe this thought:
You judge your emotions.
You suppress what you’re feeling.
You spiral into shame.
Instead, try this shift:
New thought: “Hard feelings don’t make me a bad mom. They make me a human one.”
You are allowed to love your kids deeply and struggle with motherhood at the same time. Those two things can coexist.
2. “I Should Be Able to Handle This.”
This one hits especially hard for high-functioning, capable moms.
You manage schedules.
You juggle work and home.
You keep everyone alive and fed.
So when you feel like you’re drowning, your brain says:
Other moms do this. Why can’t I? I should be able to handle this.
This thought fuels guilt because it turns overwhelm into a personal failure.
But here’s what’s often happening:
You’re carrying the invisible mental load.
You’re overstimulated from constant noise and touch.
You haven’t had real rest in months (or years).
You’re meeting everyone’s needs except your own.
Of course it feels like too much. It is too much for one nervous system to hold alone.
The “I should be able to handle this” narrative ignores context. It ignores support. It ignores capacity.
Try this shift:
New thought: “Struggling doesn’t mean I’m incapable. It means I need support.”
Needing help is not weakness. It’s regulation. It’s sustainability. It’s wisdom.
You were never meant to do this in isolation.
3. “If I Take Care of Myself, I’m Being Selfish.”
This belief keeps moms trapped in burnout.
You feel guilty for:
Going to therapy.
Exercising.
Locking the bathroom door.
Asking your partner to take over.
Spending money on yourself.
Saying no.
Somewhere along the way, many moms internalize the idea that good motherhood equals self-sacrifice.
But here’s what happens when you abandon yourself:
You become resentful.
You snap more easily.
You feel depleted.
You lose your sense of identity.
You operate in survival mode.
Self-neglect isn’t noble. It’s unsustainable.
When your nervous system is constantly fried, your capacity for patience, connection, and joy shrinks. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish — it directly impacts how you show up.
Try this shift:
New thought: “Taking care of myself helps me show up as the mom I want to be.”
Regulated moms raise secure kids.
Rested moms respond instead of react.
Supported moms don’t have to white-knuckle their days.
You are part of the family system too.
Why These Thoughts Stick
These guilt-driven thoughts don’t come out of nowhere. They’re shaped by:
Social media highlight reels.
Generational expectations.
Cultural pressure to “do it all.”
Comparison to other moms.
Your own childhood experiences.
Over time, they become automatic. They feel factual.
But thoughts are not facts.
They’re interpretations. And interpretations can be gently challenged.
How to Start Breaking the Guilt Cycle
You don’t have to eliminate mom guilt overnight. Start with awareness.
1. Name the Thought
Instead of saying, “I’m a bad mom,” try:
“I’m having the thought that I’m a bad mom.”
That small shift creates space.
2. Check for Extremes
Is there “always,” “never,” “should,” or “good mom/bad mom” language? Those are signs guilt is talking.
3. Ask: What Would I Say to a Friend?
You would never tell another mom she’s selfish for needing a break. Offer yourself the same compassion.
4. Regulate Before You Evaluate
When you’re exhausted or overstimulated, your thoughts will skew negative. Tend to your body first — water, food, quiet, movement — then reassess.
A Final Reminder…
Guilt often shows up because you care deeply.
But caring doesn’t require constant self-criticism.
You can:
Make mistakes and repair.
Need breaks and still be devoted.
Feel overwhelmed and still be a good mom.
If guilt feels constant, heavy, or tied to anxiety, rage, or burnout, it might be more than “just mom guilt.” Therapy can help you untangle the beliefs underneath and build a more compassionate internal voice.
Motherhood is hard enough.
You don’t need to be your own harshest critic on top of it.
Stay-at-Home Moms and Loneliness: When You Want Connection but Don’t Know Where to Start
No one tells you that staying home with your child can feel this lonely.
You’re rarely alone, yet you can go days without a real adult conversation. You spend your time caring, soothing, feeding, and responding—yet still feel unseen. And when you notice the loneliness, it can come with guilt: Shouldn’t I feel grateful? Isn’t this what I wanted?
If you’re a stay-at-home mom feeling disconnected, unsure how to make new friends, or missing the ease of adult relationships from before motherhood, you are not failing. You’re navigating a huge life transition that reshapes how connection works.
Why Loneliness Is So Common for Stay-at-Home Moms
Loneliness in motherhood isn’t just about a lack of people—it’s about a lack of mutuality.
Before kids, connection often came built into daily life: coworkers, casual conversations, shared routines, spontaneous plans. New motherhood removes many of those structures overnight. Your days become centered around your child’s needs, while your own emotional needs move quietly into the background.
Add in factors like:
Exhaustion and unpredictable schedules
Limited childcare or time alone
Anxiety about being “too much” or “not enough”
Comparing yourself to other moms who seem more confident or connected
…and it makes sense that reaching out feels daunting.
Many stay-at-home moms tell me they want connection, but feel frozen by questions like:
How do adults even make friends anymore?
What if I try and it’s awkward?
What if I don’t fit in with other moms?
What if I’m rejected when I already feel vulnerable?
This uncertainty is incredibly common—and deeply human.
The Unique Vulnerability of Making Friends in New Motherhood
Making friends as an adult is already challenging. Doing it while sleep-deprived, emotionally stretched, and still figuring out who you are as a mother adds another layer.
New motherhood can bring:
A shaken sense of identity
Heightened sensitivity to rejection
Less energy for social effort
A longing to be understood without having to explain yourself
So if mom groups feel intimidating, playdates feel forced, or small talk feels draining, that doesn’t mean you’re bad at friendship. It means you’re in a season where depth matters more—and where surface-level connection may not feel nourishing.
Redefining What “Connection” Can Look Like Right Now
One gentle shift that can help is expanding the definition of connection.
Connection doesn’t have to mean:
Finding a best friend immediately
Joining a group and suddenly feeling like you belong
Showing up confidently and socially polished
Instead, connection in this season might look like:
Brief but kind exchanges with another mom at the park
Sending a message instead of committing to a meetup
One honest conversation instead of frequent contact
Feeling emotionally safe, even if the relationship is new
Small, low-pressure moments count. They build familiarity and trust over time.
Gentle Ways to Explore Connection Without Overwhelming Yourself
If you’re craving connection but unsure where to begin, consider approaches that meet you where you are:
Start with proximity. Moms you already see—neighbors, daycare pickup parents, library story time—can feel less intimidating than brand-new spaces.
Normalize awkwardness. Most moms are also hoping someone else will make the first move.
Focus on shared experience, not performance. You don’t need to be interesting or impressive—just real.
Try parallel connection. Walks with strollers, kids playing side by side, or texting between naps can feel safer than face-to-face intensity.
Allow friendships to be imperfect. Not every connection needs to become long-term to be meaningful.
When Loneliness Feels Heavy
Sometimes loneliness in motherhood taps into deeper wounds—feeling left out, unseen, or emotionally unsupported long before becoming a mom. If the loneliness feels overwhelming, persistent, or tied to anxiety or low mood, it may be a sign that extra support could help.
Therapy can be a place to:
Process grief over lost friendships or identity shifts
Explore fears around rejection or belonging
Practice reaching for connection with more self-compassion
Feel understood without having to minimize your experience
You deserve support, too—not just the people you care for.
You’re Not Behind
If you’re a stay-at-home mom wondering why connection feels so hard, please know this: you are not late, broken, or doing motherhood wrong.
You’re adapting to a season that asks a lot and gives connection in quieter, slower ways. Friendship may look different now—but different doesn’t mean impossible.
You’re allowed to want more connection. And you don’t have to figure it out all at once.
What Moms Actually Talk About in Therapy
Many moms hesitate to start therapy because they’re not sure what they would even say.
They wonder:
“Do I need a crisis to go to therapy?”
“What if my problems aren’t ‘bad enough’?”
“What do moms even talk about in therapy?”
If you’ve had these thoughts, you’re not alone. And the short answer is: moms talk about real life - the parts that feel heavy, confusing, overwhelming, or hard to say out loud anywhere else.
Here’s a glimpse into what often comes up in the therapy room.
Feeling Like You’ve Lost Yourself
One of the most common things moms talk about is the quiet grief of losing who they were before motherhood.
You might love your kids deeply and miss your independence, your career, your body, your energy, or your sense of self. Therapy gives moms permission to say:
“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“I miss my old life.”
“I feel invisible.”
These feelings don’t make you ungrateful—they make you human.
Guilt, Shame, and the Fear of Not Being a “Good Mom”
Mom guilt shows up constantly in therapy.
Guilt about working.
Guilt about not working.
Guilt about losing patience.
Guilt about wanting time alone.
Many moms carry an internal voice telling them they’re falling short. Therapy helps unpack where those expectations came from and gently challenge the idea that you have to be perfect to be a good mom.
Overwhelm, Anxiety, and Mental Load
Moms often talk about how tired they are—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
In therapy, moms share:
Racing thoughts they can’t shut off
Constant worry about their kids
Feeling responsible for everything and everyone
Never fully being “off”
Therapy isn’t about telling you to “just relax.” It’s about helping your nervous system recover from being in survival mode for too long.
Anger, Irritability, and Short Fuses
This one surprises a lot of moms.
Many feel ashamed of how angry or reactive they’ve become, especially if they weren’t like this before kids. Therapy offers a judgment-free space to explore:
Why patience feels so thin
How exhaustion fuels anger
What’s underneath the irritability (often unmet needs)
You’re not broken - your system is overwhelmed.
Relationship Struggles
Motherhood changes relationships, and moms talk about that a lot.
Common themes include:
Feeling disconnected from a partner
Resentment about unequal mental load
Loneliness, even in a relationship
Difficulty asking for help or setting boundaries
Therapy helps moms understand these dynamics and find ways to communicate more honestly and compassionately.
“Is This Normal?”
Perhaps the most frequent question moms ask in therapy is simply:
“Is this normal?”
They want reassurance that they’re not failing, that they’re not alone, and that what they’re experiencing makes sense given everything they’re carrying.
Often, the answer is yes - it is common. And it’s also something you deserve support with.
You Don’t Have to Have the Right Words
One important thing to know: you don’t need a perfectly formed explanation to start therapy.
You can say:
“I don’t know where to start.”
“I just feel off.”
“I’m overwhelmed and don’t know why.”
That’s enough. Therapy meets you where you are.
Therapy Is a Space Just for You
In a world where moms are constantly giving, therapy is a place where you get to be held, heard, and supported.
You don’t have to be in crisis.
You don’t have to justify your feelings.
You don’t have to do this alone.
If you’ve been wondering whether therapy could help, your curiosity might already be your answer.
Send an inquiry email and we can start the process of what YOU will talk about in therapy.
Parenting in the Winter: When Getting Out Feels Necessary - and Terrifying
Winter with a newborn can feel especially isolating.
You may desperately want to get out of the house - to feel human again, to break up long days, to support your mental health - while also feeling deeply anxious about exposing your baby to the cold, germs, or illness. These competing needs can create a constant internal tug-of-war: I need to leave versus I need to protect my baby.
For many new parents, winter intensifies an already vulnerable season of life.
The Pressure to Stay In - and the Cost of Isolation
New motherhood often comes with long stretches at home, disrupted sleep, and major identity shifts. In winter, these experiences can be amplified by shorter days, colder weather, and fewer casual opportunities for connection.
Many new moms share worries like:
Is it safe to take my newborn outside in the cold?
What if they get sick because I went to the store or a coffee shop?
Am I being irresponsible for wanting to leave the house?
Over time, these concerns can lead to avoiding outings altogether - even when staying inside begins to negatively impact mental health.
Isolation doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like days blending together, increased anxiety, low mood, or feeling trapped between responsibility and exhaustion. For some, this can contribute to postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety.
Newborns, Germs, and the Mental Load of Vigilance
It’s understandable to be cautious. Newborns are vulnerable, and winter is often associated with increased illness. But constant vigilance - mentally scanning for risks, replaying “what if” scenarios, or feeling guilt for wanting fresh air - can be emotionally draining.
Anxiety thrives on uncertainty, and winter parenting offers plenty of it.
When anxiety is high, even small decisions (a short walk, a quick errand) can feel overwhelming. You might notice:
Avoidance of activities you once enjoyed
Increased fear or intrusive thoughts about illness
Guilt or self-judgment for needing a break
Feeling “on edge” when outside the home
These experiences are common - and they don’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
Getting Out Safely (and Gently)
Supporting your mental health doesn’t mean ignoring safety. It often means finding middle ground - ways to step outside your home while honoring your values and comfort level.
Some parents find it helpful to:
Take brief outdoor walks when weather allows, even if bundled up
Choose lower-risk outings (quiet stores, off-peak hours, outdoor spaces)
Babywear to limit touch and increase a sense of closeness
Set realistic expectations: short outings count
Give yourself permission to turn around if it feels like too much
There is no “right” amount of leaving the house. What matters is noticing how staying in - or getting out—affects you.
When Mental Health Needs Support
If winter isolation is contributing to persistent sadness, anxiety, irritability, or fear that feels hard to manage, support can help.
Perinatal therapy offers a space to:
Talk openly about fears without judgment
Learn tools to manage anxiety and intrusive thoughts
Explore how isolation and identity shifts are impacting you
Find balance between protection and self-care
Feel less alone in an experience many parents silently carry
You don’t need to wait until things feel unbearable. Wanting support is enough.
A Gentle Reminder
Your need for connection, fresh air, and movement matters. Your desire to protect your baby matters too. These truths can coexist.
Winter parenting with a newborn is not meant to be navigated perfectly - only compassionately. And you deserve care during this season, just as much as your baby does.
If you’re struggling, you’re not weak. You’re a new parent in a very real, very demanding season.
A New Year Check-In: Questions Every Mother Deserves to Ask Herself
The start of a new year often arrives with a quiet (or not-so-quiet) message: Do more. Be better. Fix yourself.
For many mothers, that message can feel heavy - especially after a year of giving, surviving, adjusting, and holding so much for others.
This year, instead of resolutions, consider a check-in. Not an evaluation. Not a list of things to change. Just a moment to notice where you are and what you need.
You deserve that pause.
1. How am I really feeling—physically, emotionally, mentally?
Not how you should feel. Not how you think others expect you to feel. Just… honestly.
Exhausted? Numb? Hopeful? Overwhelmed? Somewhere in between?
Naming your experience is not complaining — it’s awareness.
2. What has been hardest for me lately?
Motherhood often teaches us to minimize our struggles. This question invites you to acknowledge them without judgment.
Hard doesn’t mean failure. Hard means human.
3. What has helped me get through the last few months?
This might be something big, like therapy or support from a loved one—or something small, like a quiet cup of tea or a deep breath in the car.
You’ve already been coping, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
4. Where am I carrying more than I should?
Many mothers carry emotional labor that goes unseen: worries, planning, remembering, anticipating everyone else’s needs.
If something feels too heavy, it may be because it is too heavy to carry alone.
5. What do I need more of right now?
More rest? More reassurance? More help? More space?
Needs can change with seasons of motherhood, and honoring them is a strength — not a weakness.
6. What can I gently let go of this year?
This might be guilt, comparison, unrealistic expectations, or the pressure to “bounce back.”
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up — it means making room to breathe.
7. Who can I reach out to if things feel harder?
Support doesn’t have to be dramatic or urgent to matter. A friend, a partner, a healthcare provider, a support group — connection is a protective factor for maternal mental health.
8. What would kindness toward myself look like today?
Not for the whole year. Not forever. Just today.
Sometimes kindness is rest. Sometimes it’s asking for help. Sometimes it’s simply saying, “I’m doing the best I can.”
Let all of this serve as a gentle reminder….
You do not need a new version of yourself this year.
You are allowed to move slowly. You are allowed to still be healing. You are allowed to need support.
If this check-in brings up feelings you weren’t expecting, you’re not alone — and help is available. Maternal mental health matters every day of the year, including the quiet, uncertain ones.
This year doesn’t have to be about becoming more.
It can be about being held, supported, and seen.
What You Survived Last Year Matters More Than What You Achieved
As the new year begins, it’s hard to escape the messages telling us to reflect on what we accomplished—the goals we met, the milestones we hit, the boxes we checked.
But if you’re a mother, especially one who has been pregnant, postpartum, grieving, healing, or simply surviving, I want to gently offer a different truth:
What you survived last year matters more than what you achieved.
Survival Is Not Failure
Many mothers enter the new year feeling behind.
Behind on goals.
Behind on careers.
Behind on who they thought they’d be by now.
But survival often doesn’t look productive on the outside. It looks like getting through days on little sleep. It looks like holding yourself together during anxiety spirals. It looks like loving your child while silently struggling. It looks like showing up when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or unsure.
If last year asked you to survive more than thrive, that does not mean you failed.
It means something hard happened — and you kept going.
The Invisible Things You Carried
You may not have:
Launched the project
Lost the weight
“Bounced back”
Felt like yourself again
But maybe you:
Survived pregnancy complications
Navigated postpartum anxiety or depression
Grieved a loss no one else could see
Adjusted to a body and identity that changed
Learned how to keep going on days you wanted to stop
Those things count. DEEPLY.
Motherhood Redefines Strength
So much of maternal strength is quiet and unseen.
It’s regulating your emotions when your nervous system is overwhelmed.
It’s caring for others while learning how to care for yourself.
It’s surviving seasons where rest felt impossible and support felt limited.
In therapy, I often remind mothers that resilience isn’t about pushing harder — it’s about staying present through what’s hard.
If you’re still here, still trying, still loving in the midst of uncertainty, that matters more than any achievement list.
You Don’t Owe the New Year a New You
You don’t need to transform, optimize, or reinvent yourself to be worthy of this year.
You don’t need big goals to justify your existence.
You don’t need productivity to prove your value.
You don’t need to “do more” to be enough.
If this year is about healing, resting, or simply catching your breath — that is not settling.
That is listening.
A Gentler Way Forward
Instead of asking:
What should I accomplish this year?
You might ask:
What do I need more of?
What am I still healing from?
What helped me survive last year?
What deserves compassion instead of pressure?
There is no timeline for recovery.
There is no deadline for feeling better.
There is no prize for rushing your healing.
As You Step Into This Year
If no one has told you this yet, let me say it clearly:
You are not behind.
You are not broken.
You are not weak for needing time.
What you survived last year matters.
And it is enough.
Fill Mom’s Stocking: The Importance of Appreciation
One of my best friends sent me a CNN article (LINK) related to motherhood and the holidays - specifically the unfortunate trend of empty mom stockings on Christmas morning.
The Empty Stocking Isn’t Empty — It’s Telling a Story
Every year around the holidays, a familiar image resurfaces online: a mom holding an empty stocking. Sometimes it’s shared with humor, sometimes with quiet sadness, and often with the caption, “This is the mom stocking.”
The “empty mom stocking” trend resonates because it reflects a reality many families don’t intend—but still create. Moms spend weeks thinking about everyone else: the gifts, the meals, the traditions, the memories. Somehow, in the middle of making the holidays magical, mom becomes invisible.
And while most moms aren’t asking for expensive gifts or grand gestures, the lack of acknowledgment can still sting.
Why Moms So Often Go Unnoticed
For many families, moms are the default planners, shoppers, wrappers, bakers, and emotional anchors of the season. Their work is constant and often behind the scenes. Because it’s expected, it’s easy to overlook.
The empty stocking isn’t really about presents — it’s about appreciation.
It’s about feeling seen for the mental load, the effort, and the love poured out day after day, not just during the holidays but all year long.
The Power of Small Acts
The good news? Making a mom feel appreciated doesn’t require a big budget or a perfectly wrapped gift.
Sometimes, the smallest gestures speak the loudest:
A handwritten note that simply says, “Thank you for everything you do.”
A favorite snack tucked into her stocking.
Taking over a task she usually handles without being asked.
Saying out loud, in front of others, “Mom made this holiday happen.”
A quiet moment of acknowledgment when the house finally settles.
These acts may seem small, but they communicate something powerful: You matter. I see you.
Gratitude Shouldn’t Be Seasonal
The holidays tend to magnify what’s already there — both the love and the gaps. While Christmas morning is a meaningful moment to show appreciation, moms deserve recognition far beyond one day in December.
Gratitude can look like shared responsibility, regular check-ins, and appreciation woven into everyday life. When kids learn to notice and thank the people who care for them, those lessons last far longer than any holiday tradition.
Filling the Stocking — and the Heart
An empty stocking doesn’t mean a mom is ungrateful. It means she’s human.
This holiday season, let’s shift the focus just a little. Let’s notice the moms who make the magic and remind them—through words, actions, and presence—that their efforts matter.
Because sometimes, all it takes to fill a stocking…
is a sincere “thank you.”
Holiday Traditions Are Optional: Permission to Do Less
Every year, as the holidays approach, many mothers feel a familiar tightening in their chest.
There’s the list of traditions we’re “supposed” to keep: the matching pajamas, the elaborate meals, the perfectly timed memories, the magic we’re expected to create—often while holding everything else together. Somewhere along the way, the holidays stopped feeling like something we experience and started feeling like something we perform.
If that’s you, let this be your permission slip:
Holiday traditions are optional. You are allowed to do less.
Traditions are meant to bring comfort, connection, and joy. But for many mothers—especially those navigating anxiety, depression, postpartum changes, grief, or burnout—traditions can quietly turn into pressure.
You may notice:
A sense of dread instead of excitement
Feeling emotionally or physically depleted before the holidays even begin
Guilt for not having the energy to “make it magical”
Comparing your capacity to other families or what you see online
None of this means you’re failing. It means you’re human.
Mental health matters, even during the holidays — especially during the holidays.
You Are Not the Keeper of All the Magic
Many mothers carry the invisible belief that it’s their responsibility to make the holidays special for everyone else. That belief can be heavy.
But here’s the truth:
You do not have to sacrifice your well-being to create meaningful moments.
Children don’t need a perfectly executed holiday. They need a regulated, present caregiver. They need safety, warmth, and authenticity far more than they need elaborate traditions.
A calm, emotionally available parent is more impactful than any checklist of holiday activities.
Doing Less Is Not Giving Up
Doing less doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It means you are honoring your capacity.
Maybe this year, “doing less” looks like:
Skipping traditions that leave you exhausted
Choosing one meaningful activity instead of five
Ordering food instead of cooking everything from scratch
Letting go of expectations that no longer fit your season of life
Saying no without over-explaining
Rest is not laziness. Boundaries are not selfish. Simplifying is not failure.
Traditions Can Change — and That’s Okay
Traditions are allowed to evolve as families grow, circumstances shift, and mental health needs change.
You can pause a tradition.
You can modify it.
You can let it go completely.
And you can always return to it later—when your nervous system has more space.
Traditions don’t define your love. Your presence does.
If This Season Feels Heavy
If the holidays bring up grief, anxiety, depression, or emotional overload, please know you’re not alone. Many mothers struggle silently during what’s supposed to be the “happiest time of year.”
It’s okay to:
Feel disconnected from holiday cheer
Need extra support
Ask for help
Choose rest over rituals
You deserve care, too.
A Gentle Reminder
You are allowed to meet the holidays exactly where you are.
You are allowed to choose simplicity.
You are allowed to protect your mental health.
You are allowed to do less — and still be a good mother.
This season doesn’t need perfection.
It needs you — whole, supported, and well.
Attachment Styles and Their Impact on New Motherhood
Becoming a mother often stirs emotions you expected - joy, love, excitement - but it can also bring up feelings you didn’t anticipate: fear, insecurity, overwhelm, or even a sense of disconnection. What many new mothers don’t realize is that these emotional responses can be deeply connected to something formed long before they ever became parents: their attachment style.
Understanding your attachment patterns isn’t about blaming yourself or your past. Instead, it’s about developing self-awareness and compassion so you can build the kind of relationship you want with your baby—and with yourself.
Attachment styles are patterns of relating that begin in early childhood based on how our caregivers responded to our emotional needs. These patterns often continue into adulthood, showing up in romantic relationships, friendships, and yes—parenting.
The four primary attachment styles are:
Secure
Anxious
Avoidant
Disorganized
Each style comes with its own emotional blueprint that can influence how you feel and respond during the transition into motherhood.
Secure Attachment: “I Can Trust Myself and Others”
Mothers with a secure attachment style tend to:
Feel confident responding to their baby’s cries.
Trust their instincts.
Reach out for help without shame.
Find it easier to bond and attune to their baby.
This doesn’t mean secure mothers don’t struggle - they absolutely do. But they often have an internal sense of, “I can figure this out, and I’m not alone.”
Anxious Attachment: “Am I Good Enough?”
Mothers with an anxious attachment style may:
Worry constantly about whether they are doing things “right.”
Feel intense fear of making mistakes.
Seek reassurance from others but rarely feel soothed for long.
Experience heightened mom guilt.
Motherhood can amplify the fear of not being enough. These moms often benefit from therapy that helps them build internal validation and trust in their own capacity.
You might resonate with anxious attachment if:
You find yourself Googling every behavior your baby has, feeling panicked when routines change, or worrying that your baby prefers someone else.
Avoidant Attachment: “I Have to Handle Everything on My Own”
Mothers with an avoidant attachment style may:
Feel uncomfortable with the constant closeness a baby requires.
Prefer independence and feel overwhelmed by their baby’s needs.
Struggle to ask for help.
Appear calm on the outside while feeling disconnected or stressed inside.
Avoidant attachment doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby. It means your system learned early on that self-reliance felt safer than vulnerability. Motherhood can invite these moms into a new experience of closeness - sometimes tender, sometimes challenging.
Disorganized Attachment: “I Want Closeness, But I’m Afraid of It”
Mothers with a disorganized attachment style may:
Feel pulled between wanting closeness and feeling triggered by it.
Experience intense emotional swings.
Feel overwhelmed by their baby’s dependency.
Notice old trauma responses resurfacing.
This style often develops from inconsistent or frightening caregiving in childhood. For new mothers, this can make bonding feel confusing or scary. With compassionate therapeutic support, healing is absolutely possible.
Why Attachment Style Matters in Motherhood
Your attachment style influences:
How you respond to your baby’s emotional needs
How you interpret your baby’s cries or fussiness
How comfortable you feel seeking support
Your expectations of yourself as a mother
The level of self-criticism or self-compassion you bring to parenting
But here’s the most important part: attachment styles are not fixed. They’re patterns - not destiny.
You can move toward secure attachment at any stage of life, including after becoming a parent.
Rewriting Your Story: Moving Toward Secure Attachment
If you notice old patterns showing up, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re healing.
Here are supportive steps toward greater security:
Tune into your needs as much as your baby’s.
Practice self-compassion—you’re learning something brand new.
Reflect instead of judging when big feelings arise.
Seek support from your partner, friends, or a maternal mental health therapist.
Learn emotional regulation skills that help your nervous system settle.
Every time you respond to your baby with warmth - even if imperfectly - you’re creating secure attachment for them and slowly reshaping it for yourself.
Motherhood brings up old wounds and old wisdom. If attachment patterns from your past are affecting your present experience, working with a therapist trained in maternal mental health can offer grounding, clarity, and healing.
You deserve support as you navigate this new chapter. Reach out today!
How Sleep Deprivation Affects Maternal Mental Health
Becoming a mother can bring immeasurable joy, but it also brings one of the biggest shockwaves to your body and mind: a sudden, drastic interruption to sleep. Between night feedings, pumping schedules, diaper changes, and a brain that never seems to "turn off," many moms quickly find themselves running on empty.
While lack of sleep is often joked about or dismissed as “just part of having a baby,” the truth is this: sleep deprivation is a major factor in maternal mental health. And understanding its impact is the first step toward caring for yourself in a season that can feel overwhelming.
Sleep isn’t just rest—it’s regulation. When we sleep, the brain resets, repairs, and stabilizes mood and cognitive function. After birth, your body is already healing, your hormones are shifting, and you're adjusting to a brand-new identity.
Add chronic sleep loss, and your emotional system is doing all this while under strain.
1. Sleep Deprivation Heightens Emotional Sensitivity
When you're exhausted, you may notice:
Feeling more irritable or overwhelmed
Crying more easily
Becoming easily startled or anxious
Feeling less patient with your baby or partner
Lack of sleep makes it harder for your brain to process emotions and stress. This isn’t a personal failing—it's physiology.
2. It Increases Risk for Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders
Research consistently shows that poor sleep is strongly linked to postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum anxiety (PPA).
Sleep deprivation can:
Intensify intrusive or racing thoughts
Increase feelings of hopelessness or fear
Lower your resilience to stress
Exacerbate hormonal fluctuations
Sometimes the mental health symptoms new moms experience are not just “mood-related”—they’re sleep-related.
3. Sleep Loss Impacts Cognitive Function
Many mothers say they feel “foggy” or “not like themselves.” Sleep deprivation contributes to:
Difficulty concentrating
Memory lapses
Slower problem-solving
Feeling disconnected or “zoned out”
This can feel distressing, especially for moms who are used to being high-functioning or organized.
4. Lack of Sleep Affects Bonding and Confidence
When you’re exhausted, nurturing can feel harder—not because you don’t love your baby, but because:
Your emotional bandwidth is limited
Your patience is stretched thin
Routine tasks feel harder
You may doubt your abilities
It’s important to remember: Struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you need support.
Practical Ways to Protect Your Sleep (Even With a Newborn)
While you can’t control every nighttime wake-up, small shifts can help:
✔ Prioritize sleep above non-essential tasks
Let dishes, laundry, and inboxes wait when rest is needed.
✔ Practice “shift sleeping”
Trade nights or blocks of time with your partner when possible.
✔ Nap strategically
Even 20–30 minutes can reset your nervous system.
✔ Create a simple, calming bedtime ritual
Gentle routines help signal safety and rest.
✔ Limit doom-scrolling or late-night social media
Screens can ramp up anxiety and disrupt sleep rhythms.
✔ Talk to a mental health professional
If you’re feeling persistently overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed, you’re not alone—and support is available.
When to Reach Out for Help
If you notice:
You haven’t slept more than a couple of hours at a time for weeks
You feel emotionally unstable or hopeless
Anxiety keeps you awake even when the baby sleeps
You have intrusive thoughts that scare you
…it’s time to reach out.
Sleep deprivation is common, but suffering silently doesn’t have to be. Support, therapy, and sleep strategies can significantly improve your wellbeing.
You deserve rest—not just to function, but to feel like yourself again. Sleep is not a luxury in motherhood; it’s a critical part of mental health. Prioritizing your rest is an act of care for both you and your baby.
Realistic Self-Care for Moms Who Don’t Have Time
There’s been a recent trend you may have come across on social media (algorithm pending) - it’s essentially moms calling other out who say “we all have the same 24 hours.” Technically, yes - sure - we do. However, how those 24 hours look can typically vary wildly for moms.
Most days it feels like self-care is just one more thing on your already overflowing to-do list. Long baths? Meditation retreats? A full night’s sleep? Cute, but unrealistic.
The good news: self-care doesn’t have to be big, time-consuming, or Instagram-worthy to make a meaningful difference in your mental health. In fact, the smallest habits — done consistently — often have the biggest impact.
Here’s what realistic self-care actually looks like for moms who are short on time (which is… all of us).
Micro-Moments Count More Than You Think
Forget 30-minute routines. Most moms only get 30 seconds. Micro-moments are tiny pockets of calm you sprinkle throughout the day, like:
Taking three deep breaths before responding to a crying baby
Drinking a glass of water before your morning coffee
Sitting still for one minute in the car before walking into daycare or work
Listening to a favorite song to shift your energy
Small doesn’t mean insignificant. It means achievable.
Redefine What Self-Care Even Means
Self-care isn’t just pampering—it’s anything that helps you feel more grounded, supported, or human.
Examples of unexpected self-care:
Saying “no” to something you don’t have the bandwidth for
Using paper plates when the dishes are piling up
Ordering groceries instead of dragging kids through a store
Taking a mental break from group chats that drain you
Self-care isn’t indulgence—it’s strategy.
Build Self-Care Into What You Already Do
If you can’t add more to your schedule, add more into what you’re already doing:
Stretch while you wait for the microwave
Keep a favorite snack in your bag for energy crashes
Practice grounding (notice 5 things you see, 4 you hear…) while rocking the baby
Turn chores into “you time” with podcasts or music
You don’t need extra hours—just small shifts in habits.
Prioritize the Essentials: Sleep, Nutrition, and Sunlight
Moms often push these to the bottom of the list, but they create the biggest mental health shifts:
Sleep: go to bed 20 minutes earlier (set an alarm to start winding down)
Nutrition: stock 2–3 easy, nourishing snacks you actually enjoy
Sunlight: step outside for a few minutes every morning
If everything else falls apart, these three rebuild you.
Realistic self-care is not about adding more to your day—it’s about removing the pressure to be everything at once. It’s giving yourself grace, creating micro-moments of ease, and accepting that your needs matter just as much as everyone else’s.
Maternal Mental Health for Mothers of NICU Babies: Coping, Healing, and Finding Support
I had an intake assessment with a mom recently who shared how emotional it was to have her son admitted to the NICU shortly after they were discharged home after delivery. It got me thinking about how that is a very specific club - the mom of a NICU baby club - that no one necessarily prepares for and would perhaps give up their membership to if possible.
When you imagined how your birth experience would play out, you probably didn’t picture fluorescent lights, monitors beeping, or a team of nurses surrounding your newborn. But for many mothers, the NICU becomes the place where early motherhood begins. And while NICU care can save a baby’s life, it can also take an intense emotional toll on a mother’s mental health.
You are a mother navigating one of the most stressful experiences any parent can face. This post explores why NICU stays affect maternal mental health, the symptoms to look out for, and ways to find support - emotionally and practically.
Why NICU Mothers Are at Higher Risk for Mental Health Struggles
A NICU stay disrupts every expectation of early motherhood. Research shows that mothers of NICU babies experience higher rates of:
Postpartum depression (PPD)
Postpartum anxiety (PPA)
Acute stress disorder (ASD)
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
The reasons are understandable:
1. Fear for Your Baby’s Health
Even with excellent medical care, the uncertainty is overwhelming. Not knowing what the next hour—or next day—will bring can keep your body in a constant state of stress.
2. Feeling Powerless
In the NICU, professionals care for your baby more than you can. Many moms describe the experience as heartbreaking, surreal, or disorienting.
3. Physical & Emotional Exhaustion
Recovering from childbirth while pumping, driving to and from the hospital, and trying to keep up with responsibilities at home creates intense burnout.
4. Interrupted Bonding
Not being able to hold or feed your baby on your terms can trigger guilt, grief, or a sense of disconnection.
Common Emotional Responses (All Normal, All Valid)
You may recognize some of these feelings:
Guilt (“Did I do something wrong?”)
Helplessness
Anger or frustration
Jealousy of families leaving the hospital with healthy babies
Grief for the experience you hoped for
Hypervigilance or constant worry
Numbness or disbelief
None of these emotions mean you’re failing as a mother—they are human responses to stress and trauma.
Ways to Support Your Mental Health During a NICU Stay
1. Stay Involved in Your Baby’s Care
Even small acts—reading to your baby, participating in feeding, or providing skin-to-skin (when allowed)—can help you feel connected and empowered.
2. Lean on the NICU Team
Nurses and social workers can answer questions, share updates, help you understand medical terms, and connect you with resources.
3. Set Realistic Expectations
You don’t need to be at the hospital 24/7. You are not abandoning your baby if you take a break to rest or eat.
4. Prioritize Rest and Nourishment
Your body is healing from birth. You deserve care just as much as your baby does.
5. Let People Help You
Meal trains, rides, laundry, childcare for siblings—these are not luxuries. They are survival tools.
6. Talk About Your Feelings
Share with someone who can hold space for you—a partner, friend, therapist, or support group.
7. Practice Gentle Coping Skills
Deep breathing
Short walks
Guided meditations
Journaling
Listening to music that calms or comforts you
Small steps add up.
You Are Not Alone
If your baby is in the NICU, please know:
Your feelings make sense. Your strength is real. You deserve support.
NICU moms are some of the most resilient mothers in the world—not because they never struggle, but because they continue to show up with love in the hardest of circumstances.
The Power of Saying “No” as a Mom
Why setting boundaries is an act of love—for yourself and your family.
Motherhood often comes with an unspoken expectation: to say “yes” to everything. Yes to playdates. Yes to extra work. Yes to baking for the school fundraiser. Yes to helping a friend move.
But somewhere between the endless yeses, many moms find themselves exhausted, resentful, and wondering where their own needs went.
Learning to say “no” is an essential act of self-care. It’s a powerful way to protect your mental health, energy, and joy.
Why It’s So Hard for Moms to Say No
From the moment a baby arrives, mothers are conditioned to give. Society celebrates the “supermom” who does it all—without complaint. But this unrealistic ideal can lead to guilt when you simply can’t (or don’t want to) do more.
Many moms struggle with thoughts like:
“If I say no, I’ll let someone down.”
“Good moms don’t put themselves first.”
“They’ll think I can’t handle it.”
But here’s the truth: no one can pour from an empty cup. Constantly saying yes to others often means saying no to your own rest, peace, or happiness.
The Mental Health Benefits of Saying No
When you practice saying no, you’re doing more than setting boundaries—you’re reclaiming balance. Here’s how it helps your mental wellbeing:
Reduces burnout: You conserve emotional and physical energy for what truly matters.
Boosts confidence: Each “no” reinforces that your needs are valid.
Improves relationships: Boundaries prevent resentment and foster respect.
Models self-respect for your children: Kids learn by example that it’s healthy to have limits.
How to Say No Without the Guilt
If saying no feels awkward or guilt-inducing, you’re not alone. Try these gentle strategies:
Pause before committing. Give yourself space to decide: “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
Keep it kind and simple. You don’t owe a long explanation. “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I can’t take that on right now.”
Use “yes, but” when needed. “Yes, I can help, but only for an hour.”
Trust your intuition. If your gut says no, listen—it’s trying to protect your peace.
Remember: every no creates room for a deeper, more joyful yes—to your family, your mental health, and yourself.
Saying No Is Saying Yes - to You
Saying no isn’t about shutting people out—it’s about creating space for what truly matters. When you say no to overcommitment, guilt, and pressure, you say yes to rest, joy, and emotional stability.
And that’s something your whole family benefits from.
Because a peaceful, grounded mom isn’t one who says yes to everything—she’s one who knows when to say no.
If you’re struggling with guilt or burnout, you’re not alone. Reach out to a mental health professional, support group, or trusted friend.
Your wellbeing matters just as much as everyone else’s.
Redefining Motherhood: Finding Meaning Beyond Biology
Motherhood is often portrayed as a straight line: conception, pregnancy, birth, and baby. But for many women, that path looks very different - filled with detours, heartbreak, resilience, and unexpected joy. Whether through adoption, surrogacy, donor conception, step-parenting, or choosing to nurture in other ways, motherhood is not defined by biology alone. It’s defined by love, connection, and intention.
The Myth of “Real” Motherhood
For generations, society has celebrated a narrow image of what it means to be a mother — one rooted in biology. This limited view can leave many women feeling unseen or “less than” when their journey doesn’t follow the traditional path.
But the truth is: you don’t need to give birth to be a mother.
You don’t need to share DNA to experience deep maternal love.
You don’t need to fit anyone’s definition of motherhood but your own.
The emotional bond that forms when you nurture, protect, and guide another human being - that’s real motherhood.
Grieving the Path You Imagined
It’s okay to grieve the loss of the path you thought you’d take. Many women navigating infertility, failed IVF cycles, or the decision to use a surrogate or donor experience a unique kind of grief — mourning a version of motherhood that won’t happen.
This grief doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or that you love less; it means you’re human. Acknowledging that loss is a crucial step in healing and in opening yourself up to other forms of motherhood. Therapy, journaling, or joining infertility or adoption support groups can be deeply grounding during this process.
Expanding What Motherhood Can Mean
Motherhood can take many forms:
Adoptive motherhood, where love is chosen and nurtured daily.
Surrogacy and donor conception, where families are built through science, courage, and community.
Step-parenting or foster parenting, where love meets children at different stages of their lives.
These are all valid and powerful expressions of maternal love.
Mental Health and Self-Compassion
The emotional rollercoaster of infertility or alternative family building can take a real toll. Feelings of shame, isolation, or inadequacy are common — but they are not reflections of your worth.
Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that motherhood isn’t measured in bloodlines, but in the quiet moments of care, the emotional labor, and the love you offer. Seek out therapists who specialize in fertility and maternal mental health - they can help you process grief and rediscover meaning on your journey.
Creating Your Own Narrative
Redefining motherhood starts with rewriting the story you tell yourself. Instead of focusing on what hasn’t happened, honor what you are creating - a life rooted in empathy, resilience, and love.
When the Joy Doesn’t Come: Pregnancy and Ambivalence
“I thought I’d feel overjoyed the moment I saw the two pink lines. But instead, I felt… nothing. Or worse—scared, disconnected, and unsure.”
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone.
Pregnancy is often portrayed as a time of glowing happiness, excitement, and deep maternal instinct. But for many women, it’s not that simple. While some people feel instant connection and joy, others feel anxiety, doubt, fear—or nothing at all. This emotional mix is called pregnancy ambivalence, and it’s more common than most people realize.
What Is Pregnancy Ambivalence?
Pregnancy ambivalence refers to having mixed or conflicted feelings about being pregnant. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, a bad mother, or that you won’t bond with your baby. It simply means that your emotional experience is more complex than society’s one-note narrative of joy.
Ambivalence can look like:
Feeling excited one moment, then terrified the next.
Questioning your decision to become a parent, even if the pregnancy was planned.
Grieving the loss of your current life or identity.
Feeling emotionally detached from the pregnancy or baby.
Wondering if you’re “normal” because you’re not happy all the time—or at all.
Why It Happens
There are many reasons someone might feel ambivalent during pregnancy:
Hormonal changes that affect mood and emotional regulation.
Mental health history, such as anxiety or depression.
Unplanned pregnancy, or ambivalence about the timing.
Relationship strain or lack of support.
Fear of childbirth or parenting.
Career, financial, or identity concerns.
And sometimes, there’s no clear “reason.” Feelings don’t always need to be explained to be valid.
Let’s Break the Silence
The cultural expectation that pregnancy should be the “happiest time of your life” can silence people who don’t feel that way. This pressure makes it harder to open up, to ask for help, or even to admit to yourself how you really feel.
But talking about ambivalence doesn’t take away from the love you can feel for your child. In fact, acknowledging it can help you process it in healthier ways.
When to Reach Out for Help
It’s normal to have emotional ups and downs. But if you feel persistently numb, depressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, it might be time to talk to a mental health professional. You may be experiencing prenatal depression or anxiety, both of which are treatable and very real.
Look for:
Trouble sleeping (not just from physical discomfort)
Loss of interest in things you normally enjoy
Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or dread
Difficulty functioning day to day
Thoughts of self-harm or feeling like you can’t go on
There is help. There is hope. And there are people who care.
You don’t need to “feel happy” to be a good mom. You don’t need to pretend. There is power in naming what you feel, and grace in allowing yourself to feel it.
If you’re experiencing ambivalence in pregnancy, please reach out.
Because your mental health matters.
Why the Fall Season Can Trigger Unexpected Emotions in Motherhood
As the leaves begin to change and the crisp air rolls in, many of us welcome fall with a sense of coziness and nostalgia. But for some mothers, this seasonal shift brings more than just pumpkin spice and colorful trees—it can stir up deep, unexpected emotions that are hard to name or explain.
If you've found yourself feeling more weepy, anxious, or even overwhelmed this time of year, you're not alone. In fact, there's a deeper psychological and emotional connection between the fall season and maternal mental health.
Let’s explore why…
Shorter Days, Longer Shadows
The transition into fall also means less daylight, which can significantly affect mood and energy levels.
Many moms experience:
Increased fatigue
Irritability or feelings of being "off"
Sadness that deepens as the sun sets earlier
This shift, coupled with the emotional labor of parenting, can exacerbate feelings of isolation—especially for stay-at-home moms or those with limited support.
For some, this may be a sign of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) or a milder seasonal mood shift that deserves compassionate attention.
The "Perfect Fall Mom" Myth
Fall is a highly romanticized season in our culture. Social media overflows with apple-picking photos, coordinated Halloween costumes, and elaborate crafts. While these can be fun, they also create unrealistic expectations.
You may feel:
Like you’re falling short if your reality doesn't look picture-perfect
Pressure to do “all the things” while juggling exhaustion, mental health, or logistical challenges
Shame or guilt for not feeling festive
This invisible load can add stress to an already demanding season of motherhood.
The Pressure of the Pending Holiday Season
As soon as October hits, there’s a quiet but growing hum in the background: the holidays are coming.
While fall can feel grounding and peaceful, it also signals the approach of a time that’s often filled with expectations, obligations, and emotional complexity—especially for mothers.
You may begin to feel:
Anticipatory stress about holiday planning, gift buying, travel, or family gatherings
Emotional overload from navigating family dynamics, grief, or memories of holidays that didn’t go as hoped
Guilt or pressure to create a “magical” experience for your children, even if you’re feeling depleted
The holiday season often demands more time, more energy, and more emotional labor—often from those who are already carrying the most.
For mothers in early postpartum, or those managing anxiety, depression, or burnout, this buildup can feel suffocating—weeks before the holidays even begin.
If fall feels heavier than expected this year, you’re not broken—you’re human. Here are a few gentle ways to support your emotional health:
Name what you’re feeling. Acknowledging your emotions is the first step in tending to them.
Honor anniversaries or difficult memories. Journaling, lighting a candle, or talking with a therapist can help bring meaning to hard moments.
Simplify fall traditions. Choose the few things that bring joy, and let go of the rest.
Get outside daily, even briefly. Sunlight, movement, and fresh air can gently lift mood.
Reach out. Whether to a friend, mom group, or therapist—connection is key during seasonal transitions.
Fall is a season of change, reflection, and release. As the trees let go of their leaves, you too are allowed to let go—of expectations, pressure, and old emotional burdens.
If this season brings up unexpected feelings, consider it an invitation: to slow down, tune in, and offer yourself the same grace you give your children.
You don’t have to walk through this season alone. Help is here, and healing is possible.
Understanding Matrescence: The Beautiful and Complex Transition into Motherhood
When we hear the word motherhood, we often think of joy-filled baby snuggles, sleepless nights, and a heart bursting with love. But what’s less often talked about is the deep, personal transformation that happens within a woman as she becomes a mother. This process has a name - matrescence - and understanding it can be life-changing.
What Is Matrescence?
Matrescence is the physical, emotional, hormonal, and psychological transition that a woman goes through when she becomes a mother. Think of it as the motherhood version of adolescence — not just a moment in time, but an ongoing evolution of identity.
Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s (the same one who brought us the term "doula"!), matrescence is finally getting the recognition it deserves. Much like adolescence, it’s marked by radical change. Yet, while we expect teens to be moody and identity-seeking, society often expects new mothers to instantly "have it all together." That disconnect can leave many women feeling lost or alone.
Why It Matters
Many mothers silently ask themselves: “Why don’t I feel like myself anymore?” , “Is it normal to grieve my old life even though I love my baby?” , “Why does no one talk about this part of motherhood?”
Understanding matrescence answers those questions — and more. It validates the messy, raw, and real experiences of motherhood. You are not broken; you are becoming.
Matrescence isn’t just a hormonal shift. It can touch every corner of a woman’s life:
Identity: Your sense of self can shift dramatically. Who are you outside of being someone’s mom?
Relationships: Dynamics with partners, friends, and even your own parents may change.
Career: Professional ambitions may evolve — or clash — with the demands of caregiving.
Body Image: Your body changes, and so can your relationship with it.
Mental Health: Emotions can feel overwhelming. Some mothers face anxiety, depression, or just a persistent feeling of being "off."
Recognizing these shifts as part of a larger process can offer relief and perspective.
How to Support Yourself During Matrescence
Name It: Simply knowing there’s a word for what you’re feeling can be empowering.
Find Your Village: Seek out other mothers who are willing to be honest, not just Instagram-perfect.
Prioritize Self-Compassion: You’re learning how to mother yourself just as much as your child.
Seek Professional Support: Therapists, coaches, or support groups who understand matrescence can be invaluable.
Give Yourself Time: Matrescence doesn’t end after maternity leave — it can last months, even years.
Matrescence is not a flaw in the system — it is the system. It’s not about bouncing back; it’s about becoming someone new. And like all great transformations, it deserves patience, grace, and understanding.
If you’re a mother feeling overwhelmed by the changes within you, know this: you are not alone. You are in the midst of matrescence — and that, in itself, is a powerful, sacred journey.