When the Joy Doesn’t Come: Pregnancy and Ambivalence
“I thought I’d feel overjoyed the moment I saw the two pink lines. But instead, I felt… nothing. Or worse—scared, disconnected, and unsure.”
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone.
Pregnancy is often portrayed as a time of glowing happiness, excitement, and deep maternal instinct. But for many women, it’s not that simple. While some people feel instant connection and joy, others feel anxiety, doubt, fear—or nothing at all. This emotional mix is called pregnancy ambivalence, and it’s more common than most people realize.
What Is Pregnancy Ambivalence?
Pregnancy ambivalence refers to having mixed or conflicted feelings about being pregnant. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, a bad mother, or that you won’t bond with your baby. It simply means that your emotional experience is more complex than society’s one-note narrative of joy.
Ambivalence can look like:
Feeling excited one moment, then terrified the next.
Questioning your decision to become a parent, even if the pregnancy was planned.
Grieving the loss of your current life or identity.
Feeling emotionally detached from the pregnancy or baby.
Wondering if you’re “normal” because you’re not happy all the time—or at all.
Why It Happens
There are many reasons someone might feel ambivalent during pregnancy:
Hormonal changes that affect mood and emotional regulation.
Mental health history, such as anxiety or depression.
Unplanned pregnancy, or ambivalence about the timing.
Relationship strain or lack of support.
Fear of childbirth or parenting.
Career, financial, or identity concerns.
And sometimes, there’s no clear “reason.” Feelings don’t always need to be explained to be valid.
Let’s Break the Silence
The cultural expectation that pregnancy should be the “happiest time of your life” can silence people who don’t feel that way. This pressure makes it harder to open up, to ask for help, or even to admit to yourself how you really feel.
But talking about ambivalence doesn’t take away from the love you can feel for your child. In fact, acknowledging it can help you process it in healthier ways.
When to Reach Out for Help
It’s normal to have emotional ups and downs. But if you feel persistently numb, depressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, it might be time to talk to a mental health professional. You may be experiencing prenatal depression or anxiety, both of which are treatable and very real.
Look for:
Trouble sleeping (not just from physical discomfort)
Loss of interest in things you normally enjoy
Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or dread
Difficulty functioning day to day
Thoughts of self-harm or feeling like you can’t go on
There is help. There is hope. And there are people who care.
You don’t need to “feel happy” to be a good mom. You don’t need to pretend. There is power in naming what you feel, and grace in allowing yourself to feel it.
If you’re experiencing ambivalence in pregnancy, please reach out.
Because your mental health matters.