Holiday Traditions Are Optional: Permission to Do Less

Every year, as the holidays approach, many mothers feel a familiar tightening in their chest.

There’s the list of traditions we’re “supposed” to keep: the matching pajamas, the elaborate meals, the perfectly timed memories, the magic we’re expected to create—often while holding everything else together. Somewhere along the way, the holidays stopped feeling like something we experience and started feeling like something we perform.

If that’s you, let this be your permission slip:

Holiday traditions are optional. You are allowed to do less.

Traditions are meant to bring comfort, connection, and joy. But for many mothers—especially those navigating anxiety, depression, postpartum changes, grief, or burnout—traditions can quietly turn into pressure.

You may notice:

• A sense of dread instead of excitement

• Feeling emotionally or physically depleted before the holidays even begin

• Guilt for not having the energy to “make it magical”

• Comparing your capacity to other families or what you see online

None of this means you’re failing. It means you’re human.

Mental health matters, even during the holidays — especially during the holidays.

You Are Not the Keeper of All the Magic

Many mothers carry the invisible belief that it’s their responsibility to make the holidays special for everyone else. That belief can be heavy.

But here’s the truth:
You do not have to sacrifice your well-being to create meaningful moments.

Children don’t need a perfectly executed holiday. They need a regulated, present caregiver. They need safety, warmth, and authenticity far more than they need elaborate traditions.

A calm, emotionally available parent is more impactful than any checklist of holiday activities.

Doing Less Is Not Giving Up

Doing less doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It means you are honoring your capacity.

Maybe this year, “doing less” looks like:

• Skipping traditions that leave you exhausted

• Choosing one meaningful activity instead of five

• Ordering food instead of cooking everything from scratch

• Letting go of expectations that no longer fit your season of life

• Saying no without over-explaining

Rest is not laziness. Boundaries are not selfish. Simplifying is not failure.

Traditions Can Change — and That’s Okay

Traditions are allowed to evolve as families grow, circumstances shift, and mental health needs change.

You can pause a tradition.
You can modify it.
You can let it go completely.

And you can always return to it later—when your nervous system has more space.

Traditions don’t define your love. Your presence does.

If This Season Feels Heavy

If the holidays bring up grief, anxiety, depression, or emotional overload, please know you’re not alone. Many mothers struggle silently during what’s supposed to be the “happiest time of year.”

It’s okay to:

• Feel disconnected from holiday cheer

• Need extra support

• Ask for help

• Choose rest over rituals

You deserve care, too.

A Gentle Reminder

You are allowed to meet the holidays exactly where you are.

You are allowed to choose simplicity.
You are allowed to protect your mental health.
You are allowed to do less — and still be a good mother.

This season doesn’t need perfection.
It needs you — whole, supported, and well.