When You’re Excited for School to Start… and Sad About It, Too

I have been joking with friends and family for the past two weeks that the gap between the end of camp and the beginning of school has felt like 7 years. And I mean that. It has been challenging trying to coordinate childcare at the end of summer as a work from home mom. Everything feels out of routine and that can overwhelm me very quickly.

Cut to today - the first day of pre-K for my son - and I’m crying watching him walk into his new, big school.

You can be excited for your child to go back to school and sad that summer is ending.

You can feel relieved to have your routine back and miss the slower mornings.

You can be proud of how much your child has grown and wish you could freeze time for just a little while longer.

None of these feelings cancel each other out.

The emotional whiplash of a new school year

As moms, we often feel pressure to have a clear emotional response to our children’s milestones.

We're supposed to be excited when they're excited. Proud when they accomplish something new. Happy when they become more independent.

And, of course, we are those things.

But motherhood is full of moments where joy and grief exist side by side.

Your child starting preschool might mean more independence for them—and a new chapter for you.

A new school year might bring excitement about everything they're going to learn, while also making you realize just how quickly the baby years went by.

A new grade might mean new friends, new experiences, and new confidence, while also reminding you that your child is becoming someone increasingly separate from you.

That can feel beautiful.

And heartbreaking.

Sometimes, it's both.

You might actually be looking forward to school starting

Let's normalize this, too.

Maybe summer was wonderful, but it was also exhausting.

Maybe you are ready for your kids to have somewhere to be.

Maybe you've spent the last few months trying to balance work, childcare, camps, appointments, activities, meals, sibling dynamics, and the general chaos of summer.

Maybe you're craving a predictable schedule.

Maybe you simply want to drink your coffee while it's still hot.

Wanting your children to go back to school doesn't make you a bad mom.

Feeling relieved doesn't mean you love them any less.

And enjoying having some space doesn't mean you aren't grateful for the time you had together.

Sometimes, having a break is exactly what allows us to come back to motherhood feeling more present, patient, and connected.

You are allowed to be ready for the routine.

And you might miss them more than you expected

At the same time, the return to school can create a surprising sense of loss.

The long mornings.

The spontaneous outings.

The extra cuddles.

The little moments you didn't realize would become memories until they were already over.

Even when you know your child is ready for the next chapter, you may not be.

And that's okay.

Transitions can bring up grief - even happy ones.

Sometimes we're not grieving because something went wrong. We're grieving because something is changing.

Motherhood asks us to repeatedly let go of one version of our children while getting to know the next one.

That's a beautiful part of parenting, but it isn't always an easy one.

You don't have to choose one feeling

One of the hardest things about mixed emotions is the urge to decide which feeling is the "right" one.

I shouldn't be this sad.

I should be more excited.

Other moms seem so happy about school starting.

Why am I relieved?

Why am I crying?

Instead of trying to choose, what if you made room for both?

I'm excited for him.
I'm going to miss him.
I'm ready for a routine.
I'm proud of him.
I'm emotional about how quickly he's growing.

All of those statements can be true at the same time.

You don't have to talk yourself out of the sadness just because you're also excited.

And you don't have to minimize your excitement because you're feeling sad.

Give yourself permission to feel the transition

The beginning of a school year is a transition for your child—but it's a transition for you, too.

Your daily rhythm changes.

Your responsibilities shift.

Your child's independence grows.

Your identity may shift along with theirs.

And sometimes, those changes bring up feelings you didn't expect.

Rather than judging yourself for them, try getting curious.

What am I actually feeling?

What am I going to miss?

What am I looking forward to?

What does this transition mean for me?

What do I need as I adjust to this new season?

You don't need to force yourself into a positive mindset.

You don't need to make the first day of school picture-perfect.

You don't need to feel grateful every second.

You simply need to give yourself permission to experience the moment as it is.

Your child is growing - and so are you

Every school year marks another little shift in motherhood.

Your child is learning, changing, becoming more independent, and discovering who they are.

And you're learning, too.

You're learning how to support without hovering.

How to encourage without controlling.

How to let go while still staying connected.

How to make room for the next version of your relationship.

That's not always easy.

So if you're standing in the school drop-off line this year feeling a strange combination of relief, excitement, sadness, pride, anxiety, and maybe even a little guilt, take a breath.

You aren't doing motherhood wrong.

You're experiencing a transition.

And transitions can be complicated.

You can be ready for what's next while still missing what came before.

You can be excited for school to start—and sad about it, too.

There is room for both.

If Back-to-School Is Bringing Up More Than You Expected

If the transition into a new school year is bringing up significant anxiety, sadness, overwhelm, or difficulty adjusting, you don't have to navigate it alone. Therapy can provide a space to slow down, process the emotions that come with motherhood and major transitions, and work toward finding a little more steadiness in the midst of change.

Motherhood doesn't come with a requirement to love every transition.

Sometimes, you just need support moving through it.